I should probably make this post quick and short. Because we do have our first performance tomorrow and a little bit of sleep wouldn't be bad.
Today's most awesome points were the half an hour I got to do nothing and the moment when it started raining like mad. Oh how I love the weather.
We arrived this morning with my German(or codename Cabbage, since the Germans were smart and at one point in Estonia realized, that when saksa was mentioned, then it was about them) and we had still half an hour before the others would arrive. So I went to the chairs(which make quite the convenient bed) and started listening to music. And while doing that, I started imagine these quite nice(although impossible) what ifs. And I enjoyed myself a lot when doing that. So I was quite annoyed when it turned out that some people were going to be late and we had to do some theater excercises in the meanwhile. But at least my mrning started out well.
The rain brought me on a new idea as well. And I love the rain so it cheered me up a lot. So I have been bouncing around like some ball of happiness, getting along with people whom I usually don't socialise with and do silly stuff.
But I loved the what ifs the most, cause they were so lovely and it is quite curious to think about them. they are absurd, they have no base, yet they kind of cheer you up(despite the fact that you are listening to not so happy music). Just like these small mistakes that happen in the pratice of the play. I mean, isn't it nice when you suddenly lose your stomach? Finally you seem less pregnant(because a pillow under your shirt does look like you're about eight months pregnant) and everyone gets to laugh as well.
So this should be about it. Ah yes, I like huggy people, I have huggy people around, I'm leaving a lot of weird impressions here, but I don't care and the dream I first saw when I arrived was retarded.
I had no coffee today,
H.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Midnight Madness.
Because I am out of titles. Seriously. Okay, I might have had a few and forgotten all about them, but it doesn't matter. Since I am in this quite not so sane mind.
Whichever zodiac thingy said that Tauruses are good with money can go...yeah, I'm not going to finish that sentence. And now you know.
I survived another day. I have been convinced from day one, that at one point, a car will come and run me over. So everyday I am sitting down to write a blogpost will count as a success. Yay for overthinking!
The weather was so lovely today. It started out with those greyish clouds, but fairly warm weather and in the evening it became even more warmer. And it rained occasionally. Unfortunately, I was not dressed correctly, meaning I had to die in my completely black clothing(Theater proben! You gotta love them). But riding home was quite lovely.
I miss a scent. I wouldn't have started missing it, but I did, since it seems that everyone wants to talk about scents at once. And now I miss this scent since I haven't smelled it for so long.
I also want to talk to certain people. I'm not sure whether I want to talk to them to tell them that they are very precious to me or to just call them idiots again and leave them be. I guess it would depend on the mood I am in and what sort of nonsense people can be spouting.
It's amazing what I can do in order to either get myself hurt or to lose some sort of attachment. I am not sure which one I am trying, but I have a feeling that Karma will somehow get revenge. But well, I've still got...4 days before any sort of greater depression can take place again. Yay for 90% Randomness.
I walked past a photo shop(cause I really don't have a better name for it now) and they had marriage pictures there. It made me want to draw one for the same theme and made me sort of sad. I am not exactly sure why, but well, we can all guess what it is. So I am going to be a busy body again. Once I actually get "home".
I loved the moon we had out here, but my phone was sort of not functioning so I couldn't take a picture.
I also know a lot more on sicherzellen anenämie(if I remember correclty). I haven't had biology in a year, yet I could understand what they were talking about. I feel proud.
Mkay, I am too tired to continue now. Who wants this sort of gibberish anyways?
It's nice to know that people don't even bother trying,
H.
Whichever zodiac thingy said that Tauruses are good with money can go...yeah, I'm not going to finish that sentence. And now you know.
I survived another day. I have been convinced from day one, that at one point, a car will come and run me over. So everyday I am sitting down to write a blogpost will count as a success. Yay for overthinking!
The weather was so lovely today. It started out with those greyish clouds, but fairly warm weather and in the evening it became even more warmer. And it rained occasionally. Unfortunately, I was not dressed correctly, meaning I had to die in my completely black clothing(Theater proben! You gotta love them). But riding home was quite lovely.
I miss a scent. I wouldn't have started missing it, but I did, since it seems that everyone wants to talk about scents at once. And now I miss this scent since I haven't smelled it for so long.
I also want to talk to certain people. I'm not sure whether I want to talk to them to tell them that they are very precious to me or to just call them idiots again and leave them be. I guess it would depend on the mood I am in and what sort of nonsense people can be spouting.
It's amazing what I can do in order to either get myself hurt or to lose some sort of attachment. I am not sure which one I am trying, but I have a feeling that Karma will somehow get revenge. But well, I've still got...4 days before any sort of greater depression can take place again. Yay for 90% Randomness.
I walked past a photo shop(cause I really don't have a better name for it now) and they had marriage pictures there. It made me want to draw one for the same theme and made me sort of sad. I am not exactly sure why, but well, we can all guess what it is. So I am going to be a busy body again. Once I actually get "home".
I loved the moon we had out here, but my phone was sort of not functioning so I couldn't take a picture.
I also know a lot more on sicherzellen anenämie(if I remember correclty). I haven't had biology in a year, yet I could understand what they were talking about. I feel proud.
Mkay, I am too tired to continue now. Who wants this sort of gibberish anyways?
It's nice to know that people don't even bother trying,
H.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
World is mine.
"One,two,three-" Bang!
Another one slumped down, but it didn't matter to Chiaki.
"One,two,three-" Bang!
She was tired. She was irritated. But yet, she felt completely emotionless.
"One,two,three-" Bang!
Two of them tried to switch places. She shot them both and continued counting.
"One,two,three-" Bang!
It was hours later, when the sun had already set that she was finally done with this numbing work.
"All right, that's it for today." She addressed her soldiers. And remember...
The World isn't yours.
You belong to the World.
The sun had long set by then, when Chiaki finally settled into her quarters, preparing for the next day. It was then when she made the fatal mistake of relaxing her mind and letting her curiosity take over.
Why four?
The excruciating pain hit almost immediately. She collapsed on the ground, her mouth open in a silent scream. One thought kept ringing through her head, a continuous mantra of "I'm sorry", but the pain didn't lessen. So she had no choice but to bear it, until the World was satisfied.
Nobody knew what exactly the World was. Some considered it a virus, which attacked the brain, leaving the person in a sort of brain-washed state, serving someone who didn't exist. Some claimed it was a human, an evil mastermind who had managed to pull the strings so successfully, charming millions of people without ever havig to show his face. But Chiaki knew better. Everyone in the army knew better.
The World was God.
It was a God and they had been the chosen ones. They were born with the World leading them, teaching them right path. The World knew what was good for them. The World would reward them if it was pleased.
But the World didn't tolerate curiosity.
The World didn't tolerate disobedience.
The World didn't tolerate humans.
Chiaki had stopped wondering ages ago, what the World was thinking. It was a fact, that it couldn't tolerate humans. But she had her own theories about it, theories, hidden in parts of her brain, which the World would never be able to access.
Her subconscious.
Her dreams.
Everything she couldn't contemplate, everything she couldn't think about at day time, everything she felt was released in her dreams.
It was the only place where she could develop something called a personality.
It was the only place where she could feel free.
And she loved every minute of it.
She didn't know why, but she had some sort of dislike towards the World. Perhaps it was because it seemed so controlling, yet she had many times suspected, that it couldn't live without a human vessel.
Perhaps it was the constant torturing.
Perhaps it was simple the fact that the World didn't even bother to talk to her anymore.
The door opened and a dark figure slipped in. The uniform was definitely belonging to one of her men, but she didn't know anybody who had glowing red eyes.
It was only when the figure kicked her that she realized that it was the World personally. It was the main body so to say, the human, who had no consciousness of their own, someone, who wasn't really human anymore.
The pain she had felt in her brain lessened, but the physical beating had yet to start.
It was probably after the fourth kick that she started losing consciousness. Again, she could only think.
Why four?
(I apologize for any mistakes. I am not in the exact state to write right now, but I thought, that if I didn't finish this now, I never would complete it. Also, this story is inspired by the song World is mine. Though only by title.)
Another one slumped down, but it didn't matter to Chiaki.
"One,two,three-" Bang!
She was tired. She was irritated. But yet, she felt completely emotionless.
"One,two,three-" Bang!
Two of them tried to switch places. She shot them both and continued counting.
"One,two,three-" Bang!
It was hours later, when the sun had already set that she was finally done with this numbing work.
"All right, that's it for today." She addressed her soldiers. And remember...
The World isn't yours.
You belong to the World.
The sun had long set by then, when Chiaki finally settled into her quarters, preparing for the next day. It was then when she made the fatal mistake of relaxing her mind and letting her curiosity take over.
Why four?
The excruciating pain hit almost immediately. She collapsed on the ground, her mouth open in a silent scream. One thought kept ringing through her head, a continuous mantra of "I'm sorry", but the pain didn't lessen. So she had no choice but to bear it, until the World was satisfied.
Nobody knew what exactly the World was. Some considered it a virus, which attacked the brain, leaving the person in a sort of brain-washed state, serving someone who didn't exist. Some claimed it was a human, an evil mastermind who had managed to pull the strings so successfully, charming millions of people without ever havig to show his face. But Chiaki knew better. Everyone in the army knew better.
The World was God.
It was a God and they had been the chosen ones. They were born with the World leading them, teaching them right path. The World knew what was good for them. The World would reward them if it was pleased.
But the World didn't tolerate curiosity.
The World didn't tolerate disobedience.
The World didn't tolerate humans.
Chiaki had stopped wondering ages ago, what the World was thinking. It was a fact, that it couldn't tolerate humans. But she had her own theories about it, theories, hidden in parts of her brain, which the World would never be able to access.
Her subconscious.
Her dreams.
Everything she couldn't contemplate, everything she couldn't think about at day time, everything she felt was released in her dreams.
It was the only place where she could develop something called a personality.
It was the only place where she could feel free.
And she loved every minute of it.
She didn't know why, but she had some sort of dislike towards the World. Perhaps it was because it seemed so controlling, yet she had many times suspected, that it couldn't live without a human vessel.
Perhaps it was the constant torturing.
Perhaps it was simple the fact that the World didn't even bother to talk to her anymore.
The door opened and a dark figure slipped in. The uniform was definitely belonging to one of her men, but she didn't know anybody who had glowing red eyes.
It was only when the figure kicked her that she realized that it was the World personally. It was the main body so to say, the human, who had no consciousness of their own, someone, who wasn't really human anymore.
The pain she had felt in her brain lessened, but the physical beating had yet to start.
It was probably after the fourth kick that she started losing consciousness. Again, she could only think.
Why four?
(I apologize for any mistakes. I am not in the exact state to write right now, but I thought, that if I didn't finish this now, I never would complete it. Also, this story is inspired by the song World is mine. Though only by title.)
Room of Requirement
With the sub-titles:
I don't like the fact that my mood depends 90% on Random stuff and 10% on the weather. The opposite would be much more pleasant, because there is like...only one weather factor which manages to ruin my mood. It is called cold. Yeah, not that fond of cold.
So about our day two. Waking up was neat, although I was still tired. Breakfast was breakfast and then we made our way o the school, where we received a warm welcome, a tour and then we walked to the theater building, where we started focusing on the play. On the tour, the most pleasant sight were the attic and the library. The attic was huge(it had a tower as well) and was filled with awesome old wardrobes. So we dubbed it the Room of Requirement(slash gateway to Narnia). Because there were super Random(not my words, mind you) things there. And it was filled with wardrobes, which probably meant, that we wanted to go there. On another note, they had solar panels on their roof( the oldest ones were 15 years old and all of them were self-built. Those panels produce about a fifth of the electricity the school needs). The tower was also quite awesome(we found a dead pidgeon there). The library had its own Chamber of Secrets(I mean...it was in a cellar and what the hell does a library need a sink for?). The library was currently the meeting place of the government of the school. Meaning they had this interesting project, where the school would become a country for a certain amount of time(with their own money, government and such). The previous government(or was it some sort of Minister?) was removed, because they were plotting on creating a dictatorship. Which brought us also on the topic same topic applied to our own school. Mirko promised me that I would become Prime minister if I'd join his plot to take over that Treffnerian country(we agreed on a constitutional monarchy. He's the king). There were also a lot of chess boards in the library. It made me think how awesome it would be to just go and make this one starting move. And perhaps see other stat playing as well. Like...each time you pass by, you make a move. Of course it wouldn't work out well, since one can never know which turn it is or who it is that you are playing against(probably a lot of different people). But the thought in itself intrigued me.
The amount of times where I have thought, "It would be really awesome if someone with a red thread around their pinky finger walks past me" has occurred too many times(because I started wearing my red thread again. Thanks for noticing by the way.). So yeah, killing everything on this planet seems nice again. Though tiring. But well, the longer I am in this state, the more likely it is that I will end up getting number by the day. And the number I get, the better.
I purchased myself a mug with my favourite saying so that I could drink tea at any time of the day and feel loved at the same time. Oh how lovely this world can be sometimes.And it appears that I have lost a person to rant to as well. This makes me wish that I could control the effect I have on people. To save them from getting hurt(and me from feeling guilty about it. I think we established that I am selfish in an earlier post.). But if I could control the effect I have on people, then why not wish that I could control my feelings as well? So yeah, life is a bitch because if it's easy, then you are doing it wrong.
But the company I have here isn't bad at all(for I mingle with both the German and the Estonian group, belonging to neither). So I will try to forget my(non-existent) worries for some time, wear a frakk(because my English is giving up on me) and battle with the awesomeness of speaking three languages at once.
I should get used to overtiredness and an unhealthy amount of coffee,
H.
- First the excercise, then the shower! Not the opposite.
- "I want to kill everything in sight" still applies.
- I didn't know how uncomfortable I could feel without a ring.
- I'm slowly becoming a coffee addict.
- Ohne dich ist alles doof.
I don't like the fact that my mood depends 90% on Random stuff and 10% on the weather. The opposite would be much more pleasant, because there is like...only one weather factor which manages to ruin my mood. It is called cold. Yeah, not that fond of cold.
So about our day two. Waking up was neat, although I was still tired. Breakfast was breakfast and then we made our way o the school, where we received a warm welcome, a tour and then we walked to the theater building, where we started focusing on the play. On the tour, the most pleasant sight were the attic and the library. The attic was huge(it had a tower as well) and was filled with awesome old wardrobes. So we dubbed it the Room of Requirement(slash gateway to Narnia). Because there were super Random(not my words, mind you) things there. And it was filled with wardrobes, which probably meant, that we wanted to go there. On another note, they had solar panels on their roof( the oldest ones were 15 years old and all of them were self-built. Those panels produce about a fifth of the electricity the school needs). The tower was also quite awesome(we found a dead pidgeon there). The library had its own Chamber of Secrets(I mean...it was in a cellar and what the hell does a library need a sink for?). The library was currently the meeting place of the government of the school. Meaning they had this interesting project, where the school would become a country for a certain amount of time(with their own money, government and such). The previous government(or was it some sort of Minister?) was removed, because they were plotting on creating a dictatorship. Which brought us also on the topic same topic applied to our own school. Mirko promised me that I would become Prime minister if I'd join his plot to take over that Treffnerian country(we agreed on a constitutional monarchy. He's the king). There were also a lot of chess boards in the library. It made me think how awesome it would be to just go and make this one starting move. And perhaps see other stat playing as well. Like...each time you pass by, you make a move. Of course it wouldn't work out well, since one can never know which turn it is or who it is that you are playing against(probably a lot of different people). But the thought in itself intrigued me.
The amount of times where I have thought, "It would be really awesome if someone with a red thread around their pinky finger walks past me" has occurred too many times(because I started wearing my red thread again. Thanks for noticing by the way.). So yeah, killing everything on this planet seems nice again. Though tiring. But well, the longer I am in this state, the more likely it is that I will end up getting number by the day. And the number I get, the better.
I purchased myself a mug with my favourite saying so that I could drink tea at any time of the day and feel loved at the same time. Oh how lovely this world can be sometimes.And it appears that I have lost a person to rant to as well. This makes me wish that I could control the effect I have on people. To save them from getting hurt(and me from feeling guilty about it. I think we established that I am selfish in an earlier post.). But if I could control the effect I have on people, then why not wish that I could control my feelings as well? So yeah, life is a bitch because if it's easy, then you are doing it wrong.
But the company I have here isn't bad at all(for I mingle with both the German and the Estonian group, belonging to neither). So I will try to forget my(non-existent) worries for some time, wear a frakk(because my English is giving up on me) and battle with the awesomeness of speaking three languages at once.
I should get used to overtiredness and an unhealthy amount of coffee,
H.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Ich hab mich in ein Fahrrad verliebt...
Sadly, this love lasted only about 5 minutes. But it taught me a lot. I have bones. And that bicycle doesn't like my bones. Oh, if only human relationships would be that easy...Though, that is quite relative and depends on the point of view. But for now I shall continue with sighing...
A certain Shadow requested that I'd update my blog everyday, so I shall be attempting to do this. Though this means that there will be almost no meaning behind these posts, except all sorts of nostalgia highs and me possibly going crazy over anime stuff(Yes, there is actually a shop, and I have already someone to guide me there).
Oh well. Most of this day was spent on using all sorts of vehicles to get to this nice city called Lüneburg(which is really pretty by the way). Bus, plane, train, you name it. But it was quite fun. Especially the flying part.
Now, the actual reason why I really wanted to do a blog post is to state that I currently am again in a world hating mood. The "kill everything on sight kind of mood". So yeah. Now you know. Though I actually managed to get into an "I love life and stuff and I want to tell everyone about it" as well, thanks to riding a bike and enjoying the Germanness of the town called Lüneburg. The world hating mood was caused by our darling happy couple which we have here(not that I would blame them, but complexes and I..and stuff).
Ich verliere hier meinen Verstand(aber nur, weil ich Müde bin),
H.
P.S: What would you think about a world, where you fall in love with a person based on one trait? And that love would disappear when you find another trait you seem to dislike?
A certain Shadow requested that I'd update my blog everyday, so I shall be attempting to do this. Though this means that there will be almost no meaning behind these posts, except all sorts of nostalgia highs and me possibly going crazy over anime stuff(Yes, there is actually a shop, and I have already someone to guide me there).
Oh well. Most of this day was spent on using all sorts of vehicles to get to this nice city called Lüneburg(which is really pretty by the way). Bus, plane, train, you name it. But it was quite fun. Especially the flying part.
Now, the actual reason why I really wanted to do a blog post is to state that I currently am again in a world hating mood. The "kill everything on sight kind of mood". So yeah. Now you know. Though I actually managed to get into an "I love life and stuff and I want to tell everyone about it" as well, thanks to riding a bike and enjoying the Germanness of the town called Lüneburg. The world hating mood was caused by our darling happy couple which we have here(not that I would blame them, but complexes and I..and stuff).
Ich verliere hier meinen Verstand(aber nur, weil ich Müde bin),
H.
P.S: What would you think about a world, where you fall in love with a person based on one trait? And that love would disappear when you find another trait you seem to dislike?
Sunday, June 24, 2012
All hail painkillers!
With the sub-titles:
1/2 Prince is awesome. It always makes me smile. But there also those most ridiculous situations, where I can only think, "Ouch. That hurts.". Luckily, the bizarre plot makes up for it. Only one more volume to go and then I am finished with it. Unfortunately, that volume hasn't been translated yet. So I have to busy myself with another awesome novel by Yu Wo until they have finally translated it. They should update the manhua as well.
Again I find myself in a situation, where I just want to take all my feelings, stuff them into a trash can and set that can on fire. Going to my grandparents' place, where I have really nothing to do to get my mind off of things, is also not helping. So I was going mad until yesterday. Doesn't mean that getting back home stops me from going mad. No, I am quite sure that these thoughts will haunt me for an extended period of time. I tried to get Charles to keep those thoughts away from me, but he's mad at me. Or well, he has always hated me, but last time, he did accept my thoughts(okay, they were certainly a different kind of thoughts, but hey, thoughts are thoughts, right?). So...any idea how to please a demon child who is obsessed with beauty?
I want to write. I want to write a lot. I have three ideas for blog posts, but I think only two are going to make it here. Because it is definitely too early for "42 things about me, now and then". But if we're lucky, then I actually manage to finish this post and an other post, which hopefully will not somehow turn sappy. Because it is already getting off topic.
I just confirmed something. And I got really distracted by this confirmation. I should start writing in script format again. I already feel sorry for Lulu...and myself whenever I actually post that thing. It's been over a year, hasn't it? Ahahaha...people will definitely not be pleased.
My feelings have definitely not been tampered with. But I sort of feel like I have been manipulated a lot and now I am trying to figure out how much has there been truth and how much has there been manipulative stuff. I can definitely not take real life as some sort of...way to tell apart truth from lies. Not that there would have been lies, but actions and words just don't match up.
I am feeling guilty. I am feeling selfish. I am having second doubts I am not supposed to have. But let's push these thoughts away. It's only two days until I get my vacation after all.
Yesterday we had lovely weather. I was out for only twenty minutes and got drenched from head to toe. I didn't even notice it. Another nice thing was the cotton candy. I've been craving for it for two months now and I finally got lucky. The first piece of fluff put me in high spirits.
Meow,
H.
(Are Randoms bishies?)
- With the bishie you must part.
- I want...,I don't want...
1/2 Prince is awesome. It always makes me smile. But there also those most ridiculous situations, where I can only think, "Ouch. That hurts.". Luckily, the bizarre plot makes up for it. Only one more volume to go and then I am finished with it. Unfortunately, that volume hasn't been translated yet. So I have to busy myself with another awesome novel by Yu Wo until they have finally translated it. They should update the manhua as well.
Again I find myself in a situation, where I just want to take all my feelings, stuff them into a trash can and set that can on fire. Going to my grandparents' place, where I have really nothing to do to get my mind off of things, is also not helping. So I was going mad until yesterday. Doesn't mean that getting back home stops me from going mad. No, I am quite sure that these thoughts will haunt me for an extended period of time. I tried to get Charles to keep those thoughts away from me, but he's mad at me. Or well, he has always hated me, but last time, he did accept my thoughts(okay, they were certainly a different kind of thoughts, but hey, thoughts are thoughts, right?). So...any idea how to please a demon child who is obsessed with beauty?
I want to write. I want to write a lot. I have three ideas for blog posts, but I think only two are going to make it here. Because it is definitely too early for "42 things about me, now and then". But if we're lucky, then I actually manage to finish this post and an other post, which hopefully will not somehow turn sappy. Because it is already getting off topic.
I just confirmed something. And I got really distracted by this confirmation. I should start writing in script format again. I already feel sorry for Lulu...and myself whenever I actually post that thing. It's been over a year, hasn't it? Ahahaha...people will definitely not be pleased.
My feelings have definitely not been tampered with. But I sort of feel like I have been manipulated a lot and now I am trying to figure out how much has there been truth and how much has there been manipulative stuff. I can definitely not take real life as some sort of...way to tell apart truth from lies. Not that there would have been lies, but actions and words just don't match up.
I am feeling guilty. I am feeling selfish. I am having second doubts I am not supposed to have. But let's push these thoughts away. It's only two days until I get my vacation after all.
Yesterday we had lovely weather. I was out for only twenty minutes and got drenched from head to toe. I didn't even notice it. Another nice thing was the cotton candy. I've been craving for it for two months now and I finally got lucky. The first piece of fluff put me in high spirits.
Meow,
H.
(Are Randoms bishies?)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Rambledom?
Dealing with flights can be bothersome. And I still have to write a rant to the Germans because there isn't enough football in the program(why do I rant? Because I am the favourite child of the main enemy so to say and I have, in theory, a vocabulary to rant with). Oh well.
Although like two thirds of you already know this, but I started this weird project. It involves covering one of the walls in my room with quotes written in calligraphy letters. I have no idea how it'll turn out or how long it'll take me to finish it. But I shall try my best. And I got to search for awesome quotes from Lulu. They are quite enlightening and support me when I am blaming everyone else for my problems or decide to do something.
I have finally caught up on Fairy Tail. It's kind of sad, but now I have something to look forward to every week. And I have two months' worth of anime waiting for me. Not to mention the movie schedule that is currently being developed. It almost seems like a busy summer. And then I thought,"Hey, why not make an Erza costume as well?". Because I've been feeling very determined to do stuff currently.
Feeling very determined might be caused by my lovely...mood from last week. It feels like I am trying to make up for it. Like trying to reach the peak as fast as possible. And I also managed to convince myself in changing...which hasn't been showing really but I think that it might help me a little in the future. Or I just might scare people off. But either way, I am busying myself with thoughts about trying and not being afraid(as in I finally show my Gryffindork side...I never thought this would happen), because I have a nice premonition. Wanna bet that my good mood will be gone by/on Friday?
I recently discovered that love is not beautiful. The question popped into my mind one day and it was sort of astonishing, considering that I had always considered it a beautiful thing without thinking actually. As to why the question popped into my mind...I better not talk about that. Dark days, dark days...
Another thing I thought about and discussed with my imagination was bringing fictional characters into reality. Our mutual agreement was that we would not want them here. Because I have already created myself the perfect image of Lulu and as my imagination so fittingly put it, if he'd exist in real life, then I'd find out he wasn't that perfect after all. which would be another great disappointment of many. And this disappointment would be only the tip of the iceberg. So I shall hope that technology will advance to the point where it is almost lifelike and live happily ever after. Yes, Lulu is and always will be my obsession and he was the one who raised my standards. Ravens are always appreciated.
Another thing I'd like to mention is that my previous post does reflect part of my emotions, but the ending is complete rubbish. It has nothing to do with what I feel, but the story was already going so down that I could possibly not do anything else than add a sappy ending to it. Perhaps I tried to create myself some fake hope. And perhaps I succeeded. The title however is the name I gave to Chiaki's shinigami sword. It should mean Dream god, though I am probably missing a no there (in which it would be Yume no Kami or Dream's god.)
Curiousity is a curious thing. I actually realised that if I could be given the option to kill someone and get away with it, I would do it because I would like to know what it feels like. How about you?
I've also been itching to make some sort of incredibly fanfictionish post here, namely something for the Potter fandom, but I doubt I will ever get there. But it would be nice if I could write something again(I've kind of getting used to writing these nonsensical texts and facepalming when people fail to notice the importance behind it). Yes, it is that bad.
Coin tosses are fun, I had another crazy idea, I feel kind of abusive right now,
H.
Although like two thirds of you already know this, but I started this weird project. It involves covering one of the walls in my room with quotes written in calligraphy letters. I have no idea how it'll turn out or how long it'll take me to finish it. But I shall try my best. And I got to search for awesome quotes from Lulu. They are quite enlightening and support me when I am blaming everyone else for my problems or decide to do something.
I have finally caught up on Fairy Tail. It's kind of sad, but now I have something to look forward to every week. And I have two months' worth of anime waiting for me. Not to mention the movie schedule that is currently being developed. It almost seems like a busy summer. And then I thought,"Hey, why not make an Erza costume as well?". Because I've been feeling very determined to do stuff currently.
Feeling very determined might be caused by my lovely...mood from last week. It feels like I am trying to make up for it. Like trying to reach the peak as fast as possible. And I also managed to convince myself in changing...which hasn't been showing really but I think that it might help me a little in the future. Or I just might scare people off. But either way, I am busying myself with thoughts about trying and not being afraid(as in I finally show my Gryffindork side...I never thought this would happen), because I have a nice premonition. Wanna bet that my good mood will be gone by/on Friday?
I recently discovered that love is not beautiful. The question popped into my mind one day and it was sort of astonishing, considering that I had always considered it a beautiful thing without thinking actually. As to why the question popped into my mind...I better not talk about that. Dark days, dark days...
Another thing I thought about and discussed with my imagination was bringing fictional characters into reality. Our mutual agreement was that we would not want them here. Because I have already created myself the perfect image of Lulu and as my imagination so fittingly put it, if he'd exist in real life, then I'd find out he wasn't that perfect after all. which would be another great disappointment of many. And this disappointment would be only the tip of the iceberg. So I shall hope that technology will advance to the point where it is almost lifelike and live happily ever after. Yes, Lulu is and always will be my obsession and he was the one who raised my standards. Ravens are always appreciated.
Another thing I'd like to mention is that my previous post does reflect part of my emotions, but the ending is complete rubbish. It has nothing to do with what I feel, but the story was already going so down that I could possibly not do anything else than add a sappy ending to it. Perhaps I tried to create myself some fake hope. And perhaps I succeeded. The title however is the name I gave to Chiaki's shinigami sword. It should mean Dream god, though I am probably missing a no there (in which it would be Yume no Kami or Dream's god.)
Curiousity is a curious thing. I actually realised that if I could be given the option to kill someone and get away with it, I would do it because I would like to know what it feels like. How about you?
I've also been itching to make some sort of incredibly fanfictionish post here, namely something for the Potter fandom, but I doubt I will ever get there. But it would be nice if I could write something again(I've kind of getting used to writing these nonsensical texts and facepalming when people fail to notice the importance behind it). Yes, it is that bad.
Coin tosses are fun, I had another crazy idea, I feel kind of abusive right now,
H.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Yumekami
He didn't know what happened.
At one moment, she was smiling at him and the next, that smile was frozen, she had grabbed his wrist and he had ended up in pitch black darkness.
He didn't like it one bit.
It made him uneasy, because he felt like he had ended up somewhere, where he didn't belong.
Somewhere, where he was not welcome.
A place that had been hidden from him until now.
A place where setting his foot in could be considered taboo.
A place he feared.
"Coward," her voice was quiet, but filled with disgust and resentment. He felt taken aback, because he hadn't said anything and yet she seemed to know what was going on in his mind.
"This is my inner world. You're an intruder. How could I not know what you are thinking?" Her voice answered coldly. He could feel drops of liquid falling on to his face and with surprise he discovered that he had closed his eyes.
When he opened them, he could only see grey.
He was in the middle of an ocean, sitting on the ruins of a pillar. She was right next to him, dressed in a formal way, wearing a top hat. Seeing that he finally opened his eyes, she did a mock bow to him, officially welcoming him to her world.
"It's not much but I hope you will enjoy your stay," she added sarcastically. And after that, she didn't say anything. They were sitting in silence whilst the rain became heavier, making him shiver in the cold. She barely seemed to notice it, only smiled slightly in satisfaction when his teeth began to chatter.
Only when he really seemed to get desperate did she finally open her mouth again.
"Enjoying it?" She asked while smiling sweetly. He ignored her question and asked the question that had been lingering on his mind instead.
"Why did you bring me here?" He questioned and she shrugged in response.
"No idea." She said in a carefree manner.
"Maybe I wanted to show you what you are dealing with. Maybe I couldn't keep my emotions in anymore. Maybe I wanted to see you suffer. The possibilities are endless." She smiled dreamily into the distance.
"But what I really might have been after is for an answer. Look." She pointed at the sea directly in front of them. When taking a closer look, he could distinct bright pathways beneath the surface of the sea.
"What are those?"
"Choices on what to do with my life. Now turn around." He did as told and saw that there were pathways as well. Except one of them was different than the others. It was covered in what seemed like glass shards, with a red thread adorning the beautiful, yet sad picture.
"This is...?"
"The path I took to get to this spot." She suddenly seemed amused. "The red thread of Fate is indeed a curious thing. It gives me Choice, yet I end up in the same point anyway, no matter what I do. But perhaps it has allowed me to take the quickest road down to the sadness I was meant to reach one day anyway."
He didn't say anything. He had a lot of questions to ask, but none of them seemed to form themselves as a completed one in his head.
"These pathways are truly curious." She started again. "Can you see those shards? They're pieces from my dreams, my expectations. Yet Fate lies them down on every path I take, so that I could crush them myself."
She laughed, though he had no idea what could have made her find this situation funny. Perhaps she was going mad.
The rain cleared for a second to let in a small ray of sunshine. But it was gone as quickly as it had come and he found himself yet again shivering in the rain. He wondered whether the weather was somehow influenced by her as well but did not voice the question. He could see her nod absentmindedly to him, but her thoughts were occupied with taking a look at the roads she hadn't walked on yet.
"You said you were looking for an answer?" He did his best to make his voice sound light and carefree, but he had a nagging feeling that he did not succeed. She glanced at him briefly and nodded.
"As you can see, there are three paths." She pointed at each of them. "I have to choose one, to get to that point over there." she pointed at a point on the horizon and when he squinted his eyes to see better, he could make out a bright light.
"What is that?" He asked and she shook her head. "My only hope that things will get better from now on."
"I've been sitting here for weeks, trying to make up my mind. I know that the longer I stay in this point, the worse will the decision making get, but I just don't seem to have the guts to do it. I'm not even sure what I want anymore. But I definitely don't want to take this road." She waved her hand towards the one on the right, which was slowly being covered in grass and underwater plants.
"But I'm not sure about the other two either. Nothing seems to be like a good option." The rain got heavier with every word.
"Just choose either one. I'm sure it'll work out no matter which road you pick." He heard himself say. She smiled weakly, amused by his ignorance.
"It's true that I'll end up at that point anyways. But I'm afraid of which road to take. I'm afraid that I'll end up choosing the one where I end up alone. I don't want to be alone." Her voice was trembling. Not even thinking, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down to the roads. The water was shallower than he had expected, barely reaching his knee. Before she could even protest, he started walking down the road on the left, carefully watching his step so that he wouldn't step on the glass figurines.'
"What are you doing?" She asked, protest in her voice.
"Helping you choose." He answered simply. For a moment, it seemed like she wanted to say something. But then she turned her head away and let herself be dragged away by him.
The rain stopped and for once in a long time, the sky cleared up and the sun shone down onto the sea, turning it into a sparkling mess of colours.
At one moment, she was smiling at him and the next, that smile was frozen, she had grabbed his wrist and he had ended up in pitch black darkness.
He didn't like it one bit.
It made him uneasy, because he felt like he had ended up somewhere, where he didn't belong.
Somewhere, where he was not welcome.
A place that had been hidden from him until now.
A place where setting his foot in could be considered taboo.
A place he feared.
"Coward," her voice was quiet, but filled with disgust and resentment. He felt taken aback, because he hadn't said anything and yet she seemed to know what was going on in his mind.
"This is my inner world. You're an intruder. How could I not know what you are thinking?" Her voice answered coldly. He could feel drops of liquid falling on to his face and with surprise he discovered that he had closed his eyes.
When he opened them, he could only see grey.
He was in the middle of an ocean, sitting on the ruins of a pillar. She was right next to him, dressed in a formal way, wearing a top hat. Seeing that he finally opened his eyes, she did a mock bow to him, officially welcoming him to her world.
"It's not much but I hope you will enjoy your stay," she added sarcastically. And after that, she didn't say anything. They were sitting in silence whilst the rain became heavier, making him shiver in the cold. She barely seemed to notice it, only smiled slightly in satisfaction when his teeth began to chatter.
Only when he really seemed to get desperate did she finally open her mouth again.
"Enjoying it?" She asked while smiling sweetly. He ignored her question and asked the question that had been lingering on his mind instead.
"Why did you bring me here?" He questioned and she shrugged in response.
"No idea." She said in a carefree manner.
"Maybe I wanted to show you what you are dealing with. Maybe I couldn't keep my emotions in anymore. Maybe I wanted to see you suffer. The possibilities are endless." She smiled dreamily into the distance.
"But what I really might have been after is for an answer. Look." She pointed at the sea directly in front of them. When taking a closer look, he could distinct bright pathways beneath the surface of the sea.
"What are those?"
"Choices on what to do with my life. Now turn around." He did as told and saw that there were pathways as well. Except one of them was different than the others. It was covered in what seemed like glass shards, with a red thread adorning the beautiful, yet sad picture.
"This is...?"
"The path I took to get to this spot." She suddenly seemed amused. "The red thread of Fate is indeed a curious thing. It gives me Choice, yet I end up in the same point anyway, no matter what I do. But perhaps it has allowed me to take the quickest road down to the sadness I was meant to reach one day anyway."
He didn't say anything. He had a lot of questions to ask, but none of them seemed to form themselves as a completed one in his head.
"These pathways are truly curious." She started again. "Can you see those shards? They're pieces from my dreams, my expectations. Yet Fate lies them down on every path I take, so that I could crush them myself."
She laughed, though he had no idea what could have made her find this situation funny. Perhaps she was going mad.
The rain cleared for a second to let in a small ray of sunshine. But it was gone as quickly as it had come and he found himself yet again shivering in the rain. He wondered whether the weather was somehow influenced by her as well but did not voice the question. He could see her nod absentmindedly to him, but her thoughts were occupied with taking a look at the roads she hadn't walked on yet.
"You said you were looking for an answer?" He did his best to make his voice sound light and carefree, but he had a nagging feeling that he did not succeed. She glanced at him briefly and nodded.
"As you can see, there are three paths." She pointed at each of them. "I have to choose one, to get to that point over there." she pointed at a point on the horizon and when he squinted his eyes to see better, he could make out a bright light.
"What is that?" He asked and she shook her head. "My only hope that things will get better from now on."
"I've been sitting here for weeks, trying to make up my mind. I know that the longer I stay in this point, the worse will the decision making get, but I just don't seem to have the guts to do it. I'm not even sure what I want anymore. But I definitely don't want to take this road." She waved her hand towards the one on the right, which was slowly being covered in grass and underwater plants.
"But I'm not sure about the other two either. Nothing seems to be like a good option." The rain got heavier with every word.
"Just choose either one. I'm sure it'll work out no matter which road you pick." He heard himself say. She smiled weakly, amused by his ignorance.
"It's true that I'll end up at that point anyways. But I'm afraid of which road to take. I'm afraid that I'll end up choosing the one where I end up alone. I don't want to be alone." Her voice was trembling. Not even thinking, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down to the roads. The water was shallower than he had expected, barely reaching his knee. Before she could even protest, he started walking down the road on the left, carefully watching his step so that he wouldn't step on the glass figurines.'
"What are you doing?" She asked, protest in her voice.
"Helping you choose." He answered simply. For a moment, it seemed like she wanted to say something. But then she turned her head away and let herself be dragged away by him.
The rain stopped and for once in a long time, the sky cleared up and the sun shone down onto the sea, turning it into a sparkling mess of colours.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Questions that tend to pop up every once in a while.
Can animals sleep at will?
And if they don't, what do they think of when they fall asleep?
What do they think of when they are not currently satisfying one of their needs?
Do they think?
Or is it just this eerie silence?
That dude had Takuto's voice...but whose voice was it before it was Takuto's?
Who the hell is that person?
Why the hell even bother?
1/2 Prince always makes me smile. It is so absurd in its own way and unlike the manhua, the quality of the novel doesn't drop after the first three volumes. So I decided to be awesome and try out my skills in calligraphy. They're quite horrible but they look fancy from afar. So I call it an almost success.
The trip to Kihnu was quite interesting, especially when we were outside with a small group, away from prying ears and shivering in the cold. We drew some sort of weird confession circle and although it didn't seem to work at first, it started working when violence became the topic. This was followed by a sort of awkward half an hour where my classmate, who had been attending my previous school as well, confessed that he felt really guilty for what he had done to me in primary school(I am seriously doubting that this is the right word for it, but since I can't come up with a better word, I'll leave it at that). Considering that he has always been just someone tagging along the group, not actually bullying me(although he claims otherwise), it was really easy for me to shrug it off. I've never been really concerned with the bullying my classmates did to me(there have been several occasions where I have been reduced to tears, but honestly, I usually have just viewed them as idiots and ignored them when it came to it), so him going on and on how he knows that feeling as well, because they have done the same to him and he took it to heart unlike me(because by that time, I had told him several times of how I could care less about it). But well, I can't blame him really. I've been at that point where people who I thought of as my friends have bullied me as well so I know what it probably must have felt like for him. But it was some sort of a new experience, because it turned out that all of us had been sort of bullied except this one lovely girl who was lucky enough to get into a nice class.
But this bullying thing made me remember to a conclusion I came to in fifth grade. At one point in school, I just realized that I'm different from others. And no matter how much I try, I will probably never manage to fit in with the 'normal' people. So I kind of stopped trying. And look where I am right now. On the brink of insanity(it's like trying to regain balance above a cliff where falling to one side means falling into complete darkness and the other side is filled with snakes. Sometimes it can be quite bothersome.)
I didn't mean to make this post so depressive, but it is hard to come up with a happy topic right now. I should never listen to myself. Don't worry, it's fine by now, you probably won't be able to get depressed all over again...Yeah. The world is Sunshine and butterflies. Not really. I must definitely sleep on it. Because sleep always helps.
I'm longing to have a proper conversation with a certain person right now, but that seems to be impossible at the moment. And I have a feeling a lot of people will misunderstand this.
And if they don't, what do they think of when they fall asleep?
What do they think of when they are not currently satisfying one of their needs?
Do they think?
Or is it just this eerie silence?
That dude had Takuto's voice...but whose voice was it before it was Takuto's?
Who the hell is that person?
Why the hell even bother?
1/2 Prince always makes me smile. It is so absurd in its own way and unlike the manhua, the quality of the novel doesn't drop after the first three volumes. So I decided to be awesome and try out my skills in calligraphy. They're quite horrible but they look fancy from afar. So I call it an almost success.
The trip to Kihnu was quite interesting, especially when we were outside with a small group, away from prying ears and shivering in the cold. We drew some sort of weird confession circle and although it didn't seem to work at first, it started working when violence became the topic. This was followed by a sort of awkward half an hour where my classmate, who had been attending my previous school as well, confessed that he felt really guilty for what he had done to me in primary school(I am seriously doubting that this is the right word for it, but since I can't come up with a better word, I'll leave it at that). Considering that he has always been just someone tagging along the group, not actually bullying me(although he claims otherwise), it was really easy for me to shrug it off. I've never been really concerned with the bullying my classmates did to me(there have been several occasions where I have been reduced to tears, but honestly, I usually have just viewed them as idiots and ignored them when it came to it), so him going on and on how he knows that feeling as well, because they have done the same to him and he took it to heart unlike me(because by that time, I had told him several times of how I could care less about it). But well, I can't blame him really. I've been at that point where people who I thought of as my friends have bullied me as well so I know what it probably must have felt like for him. But it was some sort of a new experience, because it turned out that all of us had been sort of bullied except this one lovely girl who was lucky enough to get into a nice class.
But this bullying thing made me remember to a conclusion I came to in fifth grade. At one point in school, I just realized that I'm different from others. And no matter how much I try, I will probably never manage to fit in with the 'normal' people. So I kind of stopped trying. And look where I am right now. On the brink of insanity(it's like trying to regain balance above a cliff where falling to one side means falling into complete darkness and the other side is filled with snakes. Sometimes it can be quite bothersome.)
I didn't mean to make this post so depressive, but it is hard to come up with a happy topic right now. I should never listen to myself. Don't worry, it's fine by now, you probably won't be able to get depressed all over again...Yeah. The world is Sunshine and butterflies. Not really. I must definitely sleep on it. Because sleep always helps.
I'm longing to have a proper conversation with a certain person right now, but that seems to be impossible at the moment. And I have a feeling a lot of people will misunderstand this.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
There was an inconsistency in the story. The Guardian could feel it with his very being. But the Raven gave a warning caw so he waited.
There is no time flow in the realm of fantasies, so the Guardian had no way of knowing how much time had passed. He only knew that the darkness was growing and any sort of sound faded slowly, leaving him in complete silence.
"It's coming." He muttered to himself and the Raven, completely invisible in the darkness, stretched out its wings.
A deafening roar sounded all over the place, echoing throughout the whole realm. The Guardian, who had been sitting at the edge of a skyscraper, stood up and let himself fall. He could faintly hear the rustling of wings and felt the claws grabbing his shoulders, taking him up. Up into the sky. From there, he could see everything.
It was a gigantic mass of blackness, barely forming a humanoid shape. A small black butterfly fluttered by the Guardian's cheek, who snatched it and crushed it between his fingers. It turned to black ash, confirming his suspicions.
A detail. A small detail out of place.
The Raven's caw brought him back out of his thoughts and the Guardian readied his weapon, a long sword with inscriptions so old, that not even the Raven could read them. At least the Raven had told him that the first time they had met.
He gripped the sword tighter in his hand as the Raven dived towards the beast. The claws that had been firmly holding his shoulders were slowly loosening its grip and he was dropped directly into the middle of the mass of black butterflies.
Sensing an invader, all of the butterflies turned alarmingly red and started attacking him viciously. He had no problem with crushing one, but there were thousands of them, each and one of them trying to get close to his skin and contaminate his existence. With a swing of his sword, he killed hundreds of them, which were immediately replaced with another batch of hundreds and hundreds of butterflies.
"This is pointless." He thought and whistled. The Raven came crashing through the butterflies and with a quick movement, the Guardian climbed on its back and the Raven fought its way out of the mass with his help.
The Raven started circling around the monster, which had now taken on a reddish tint and was screaming more furiously than before. But it had not shrunken in size nor did it seem to have sustained any damage.
"You have to find its weak point before attacking. Find the problem. What is missing? What is unnecessary?" The Raven consoled in its human like voice.
"I know," the Guardian answered gritting his teeth, carefully observing the monster. But it had hidden its weakness well. The Guardian's expression turned more and more perplexed as he analyzed the situation. No matter how he looked at it, he could not find a way how to defeat the monster. But even before he had finished this thought, the monster had taken a swipe at him, throwing him off the Raven's back.
He fell.
The Raven had continued circling around the monster and with his own scream, he could hear another faint voice accompanying his. He did not understand.
Why wasn't the Raven helping him?
It had been so reliable before, so why was it now deserting him?
It was the one friend he had had in this cold world. No. Friend was too much of a strong word. It was his mentor. It had taught him how to fight. It had taught him how to survive. It had taught him about what his duty was. But it had never been a friend. It had been there when he had had a tough time, but he had never once seen it waver. It had never come to him for comfort. It had never opened up to him.
I was just a tool, the Guardian realized. A tool whose time is over.
He crushed on to the hard ground and could hear his bones breaking. Through some miracle, he had survived, but not for long, judging by the amount of blood he could see pouring. It seemed almost like he was in the monster again, surrounded by a vibrant red.
A shadow landed over him and he recognized the soft touch of the Raven's feathers.
"Where am I?" A child like voice asked in astonishment mixed with fear.
"The realm of fantasies." The Raven answered and the Guardian understood now. He recalled his own first meeting with the Raven.
His time had run up. He was no longer needed.
The child began to sing and he could feel his life fading. The monster let out a scream of anguish, but the voice of the child was magnified and soon there was nothing else for the Guardian but the ghostly melody of the child.
He wanted to warn the child, but he didn't have the strength to open his mouth. His thoughts were hazy and the melody caused him to feel sleepy.
I'll just close my eyes briefly...I can warn the child about the Raven later...I'll just rest for a little...bit.
The Guardian's eyes stayed closed forever and his face was decorated with a peaceful, albeit small, smile.
There is no time flow in the realm of fantasies, so the Guardian had no way of knowing how much time had passed. He only knew that the darkness was growing and any sort of sound faded slowly, leaving him in complete silence.
"It's coming." He muttered to himself and the Raven, completely invisible in the darkness, stretched out its wings.
A deafening roar sounded all over the place, echoing throughout the whole realm. The Guardian, who had been sitting at the edge of a skyscraper, stood up and let himself fall. He could faintly hear the rustling of wings and felt the claws grabbing his shoulders, taking him up. Up into the sky. From there, he could see everything.
It was a gigantic mass of blackness, barely forming a humanoid shape. A small black butterfly fluttered by the Guardian's cheek, who snatched it and crushed it between his fingers. It turned to black ash, confirming his suspicions.
A detail. A small detail out of place.
The Raven's caw brought him back out of his thoughts and the Guardian readied his weapon, a long sword with inscriptions so old, that not even the Raven could read them. At least the Raven had told him that the first time they had met.
He gripped the sword tighter in his hand as the Raven dived towards the beast. The claws that had been firmly holding his shoulders were slowly loosening its grip and he was dropped directly into the middle of the mass of black butterflies.
Sensing an invader, all of the butterflies turned alarmingly red and started attacking him viciously. He had no problem with crushing one, but there were thousands of them, each and one of them trying to get close to his skin and contaminate his existence. With a swing of his sword, he killed hundreds of them, which were immediately replaced with another batch of hundreds and hundreds of butterflies.
"This is pointless." He thought and whistled. The Raven came crashing through the butterflies and with a quick movement, the Guardian climbed on its back and the Raven fought its way out of the mass with his help.
The Raven started circling around the monster, which had now taken on a reddish tint and was screaming more furiously than before. But it had not shrunken in size nor did it seem to have sustained any damage.
"You have to find its weak point before attacking. Find the problem. What is missing? What is unnecessary?" The Raven consoled in its human like voice.
"I know," the Guardian answered gritting his teeth, carefully observing the monster. But it had hidden its weakness well. The Guardian's expression turned more and more perplexed as he analyzed the situation. No matter how he looked at it, he could not find a way how to defeat the monster. But even before he had finished this thought, the monster had taken a swipe at him, throwing him off the Raven's back.
He fell.
The Raven had continued circling around the monster and with his own scream, he could hear another faint voice accompanying his. He did not understand.
Why wasn't the Raven helping him?
It had been so reliable before, so why was it now deserting him?
It was the one friend he had had in this cold world. No. Friend was too much of a strong word. It was his mentor. It had taught him how to fight. It had taught him how to survive. It had taught him about what his duty was. But it had never been a friend. It had been there when he had had a tough time, but he had never once seen it waver. It had never come to him for comfort. It had never opened up to him.
I was just a tool, the Guardian realized. A tool whose time is over.
He crushed on to the hard ground and could hear his bones breaking. Through some miracle, he had survived, but not for long, judging by the amount of blood he could see pouring. It seemed almost like he was in the monster again, surrounded by a vibrant red.
A shadow landed over him and he recognized the soft touch of the Raven's feathers.
"Where am I?" A child like voice asked in astonishment mixed with fear.
"The realm of fantasies." The Raven answered and the Guardian understood now. He recalled his own first meeting with the Raven.
His time had run up. He was no longer needed.
The child began to sing and he could feel his life fading. The monster let out a scream of anguish, but the voice of the child was magnified and soon there was nothing else for the Guardian but the ghostly melody of the child.
He wanted to warn the child, but he didn't have the strength to open his mouth. His thoughts were hazy and the melody caused him to feel sleepy.
I'll just close my eyes briefly...I can warn the child about the Raven later...I'll just rest for a little...bit.
The Guardian's eyes stayed closed forever and his face was decorated with a peaceful, albeit small, smile.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Check
Tick...
Tock...
Tick...
Tock...
"Check." Chiaki said quietly when placing the black chess piece back on the board. Lelouch was startled for a moment, he was used to the white-haired girl not saying anything. He surveyed the chess board and indeed, he found himself in a pinch. But he stayed calm, he had enough time to change the situation. But the longer he stared at the board, the more options got crossed out. Chiaki watched with interest how Lelouch contemplated on his next move.
"There's only one move left." She confirmed his suspicions. "The question is, whether you'll take it or not."
Lelouch gave an irritating sigh. "What a stupid girl she is."
"Indeed." Chiaki agreed, watching the clock that was placed exactly above their heads. The rhythmical ticking continued to fill in the silence.
"Why would she do this? Why go through things like this? Why does she let me play white?" Lelouch questioned, making Chiaki smirk.
"You know as well as I do why she lets you do this. I'm rubbish at chess. She hopes you'll win in the end." The white-haired girl said and Lelouch snorted.
"If I had been her, I would have let myself play black. She would've won ages ago. And even in terms of personality, you fit white more than I do." Chiaki laughed. It was a quiet and sad laugh.
"Yes, but you hate to lose. She does as well. And she does not want to lose this game. Besides, even she knows that deep down somewhere, you care enough to try your best for her."
"But it's her fault she is like that anyways!" Lelouch shouted in aggravation. "Look at this room! She's been discarding her personality, scrapping it to start anew without really letting go, drowning out things that make her her. She's losing herself and for what? Nothing at all!"
Chiaki smiled sadly. "Time is ticking, Lelouch. Looking back won't help. You've got one move. One move that will get you out of being constantly checked. One move that will not lead you to a sure check mate."
"She's hazing things up. She has already given up on the move. She doesn't think it'll come, she thinks that whatever I do, I'll end up in check anyway. She's waiting for the checkmate. She robbed the solution from me." Lelouch did not want to look at Chiaki at the moment.
"It's about time, Lelouch." The white-haired girl said gently. "So..."
What's your move going to be?
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Slaughter the parents!
I don't think I have ever been that tired to actually forget I had some chocolate left. Thanks to literature, I've got that feeling down as well. But at least it is over now and I can calmly worry about physics. I mean, it's only a hundred pages, right?
I have probably created myself one of the worst habits possible. Or well, I consider it a habit. I just start hating people for no reason. Or well, it is more like I have been angry at people(occasionally, meaning at least once a week) and then I decide that I hate them. And this is repeated like some sort of weird mantra in my head. But even when I am not angry at them anymore, the mantra still continues. Or well, I am just walking down the street, minding my own business and another wave of repeatedly thinking, "Daikirai." appears. I don't think this is a good sign.
On the note of more positive things, the score is 1:0 with Red in the lead. Or well, it should be. Because headaches are darling things that keep you up at night and overtiredness does not really let you appreciate happy stuff. Though thinking back on it, I am sort of happy. I was actually really confused about it until my pole vault competition solved all mysteries. I managed to jump over 3 meters....and I could care less about it. So prepare for weird questions and even weirder statements.
I have time. And I am planning to use that time for drawing. And by the looks of it, it will be manga, which means that it will be quite horrible as well. I have no idea why I am even trying. Just ignore the mental images. Just ignore them.
And by the end of the week, I will hopefully be free. And then my summer will begin and for some reason, I am hoping I can spend a part of it in solitude. Because again, I do try to think of my own happiness from time to time and solitude seems exactly like something, that could provide said happiness. I should be more rational, but if I was, there would be a lot of stuff different. Because my own happiness and wants do not seem to share any common interests.
I have probably created myself one of the worst habits possible. Or well, I consider it a habit. I just start hating people for no reason. Or well, it is more like I have been angry at people(occasionally, meaning at least once a week) and then I decide that I hate them. And this is repeated like some sort of weird mantra in my head. But even when I am not angry at them anymore, the mantra still continues. Or well, I am just walking down the street, minding my own business and another wave of repeatedly thinking, "Daikirai." appears. I don't think this is a good sign.
On the note of more positive things, the score is 1:0 with Red in the lead. Or well, it should be. Because headaches are darling things that keep you up at night and overtiredness does not really let you appreciate happy stuff. Though thinking back on it, I am sort of happy. I was actually really confused about it until my pole vault competition solved all mysteries. I managed to jump over 3 meters....and I could care less about it. So prepare for weird questions and even weirder statements.
I have time. And I am planning to use that time for drawing. And by the looks of it, it will be manga, which means that it will be quite horrible as well. I have no idea why I am even trying. Just ignore the mental images. Just ignore them.
And by the end of the week, I will hopefully be free. And then my summer will begin and for some reason, I am hoping I can spend a part of it in solitude. Because again, I do try to think of my own happiness from time to time and solitude seems exactly like something, that could provide said happiness. I should be more rational, but if I was, there would be a lot of stuff different. Because my own happiness and wants do not seem to share any common interests.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Dragon versus God
If a dragon and a god would fight, who would win? In any other situation, it would be the god, but in Fairy Tail, things simply won't work that way. No, in Fairy Tail, you can surpass any limit just for the sake of your friends, who are also your family. It has been done before and it will be done in the future as well, yet it still moves me.
While I have been lazy and not marked down the latest scores, I still have kept track of them and the scores should be 2:1 and 1:0 with Red winning both. Though I have to mention that the 2:1 score ended up very unfortunately, namely blue scoring the last point, which did drag down my mood quite a bit. I have still no idea why my day still ended on a positive note, but I am not the one to question my moods.
On the very same day I also saw one of my former school mates, whom I've been hearing a lot of rumors about, but the big belly still managed to surprise me a little bit. I haven't seen her for a year at least and yet she recognized me and smiled back when I smiled at her. I'm not sure whether she is happy or not, but at least she seemed happy to me.
I've been dying to write another story just for the sake of using the name Scipio although I usually hate naming characters, which is seen in my latest post as well. If I wanted to, I could come up with a name, but the probability that it would be a Japanese name would be unimaginably high. I am also considering whether I should be convenient and just use my continuation of "The Thief Lord" where the name Scipio originates from(at least for me) or think up a new story. Lately, a lot of story ideas have been popping up in my head. Making Scipio some sort of addict(cotton candy, most likely) does not seem very appealing to me.
It hasn't been only the story ideas that have been popping up. I want to try out drawing manga again. And I managed to think up a theme for my foggy picture(which I still haven't painted because getting myself white paint is just too much of a bother). I imagine a Grim Reaper being unimaginably close might be real creepy when painted correctly. Another thing to try out in summer.
Today I had another immensely curious dream. It created a craving for Random hugs and I hope I will never see a dream like that again, because I simply can't imagine myself ever even getting along well with those two people. Okay, I can't imagine myself getting along with one of them. But I'm starting to wonder how my brain works. If I ignore the theory about how nothing seen in a dream is related to one's thoughts, then I could even make my deductions about how my brain fabricated the dream. Which is slightly concerning. As long as it won't happen again. If it does...
Also, I think I have to admit that I am into slightly feminine and slightly perverted guys.
While I have been lazy and not marked down the latest scores, I still have kept track of them and the scores should be 2:1 and 1:0 with Red winning both. Though I have to mention that the 2:1 score ended up very unfortunately, namely blue scoring the last point, which did drag down my mood quite a bit. I have still no idea why my day still ended on a positive note, but I am not the one to question my moods.
On the very same day I also saw one of my former school mates, whom I've been hearing a lot of rumors about, but the big belly still managed to surprise me a little bit. I haven't seen her for a year at least and yet she recognized me and smiled back when I smiled at her. I'm not sure whether she is happy or not, but at least she seemed happy to me.
I've been dying to write another story just for the sake of using the name Scipio although I usually hate naming characters, which is seen in my latest post as well. If I wanted to, I could come up with a name, but the probability that it would be a Japanese name would be unimaginably high. I am also considering whether I should be convenient and just use my continuation of "The Thief Lord" where the name Scipio originates from(at least for me) or think up a new story. Lately, a lot of story ideas have been popping up in my head. Making Scipio some sort of addict(cotton candy, most likely) does not seem very appealing to me.
It hasn't been only the story ideas that have been popping up. I want to try out drawing manga again. And I managed to think up a theme for my foggy picture(which I still haven't painted because getting myself white paint is just too much of a bother). I imagine a Grim Reaper being unimaginably close might be real creepy when painted correctly. Another thing to try out in summer.
Today I had another immensely curious dream. It created a craving for Random hugs and I hope I will never see a dream like that again, because I simply can't imagine myself ever even getting along well with those two people. Okay, I can't imagine myself getting along with one of them. But I'm starting to wonder how my brain works. If I ignore the theory about how nothing seen in a dream is related to one's thoughts, then I could even make my deductions about how my brain fabricated the dream. Which is slightly concerning. As long as it won't happen again. If it does...
Also, I think I have to admit that I am into slightly feminine and slightly perverted guys.
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