First of all, I must apologize. I have paired Chiaki and the real Lulu together. It's just that I changed her personality and added another bunch of characters from another anime in it. Yay for crossovers.
So while I am still looking through my old writings(since I haven't really dealt with them for a while now, which is weird, because well...I like to be stuck in my past), I am growing more and more irritated because I simply can't find one of them. Yes, I admit that my naming sense for documents is beyond comprehension, but hey, as long as I kept checking them all the time, I could actually remember what was where. And ignore the two word documents(I should get rid of those as well...) which I know I am never going to finish(though they have Mokona in them...).
I'm currently very frustrated at myself because of a pole vault competition. Although I must admit that the wind was partly at fault, the result I got was by no means acceptable. The fact that I got first place with it and they engraved the bloody result on the medal makes things only worse. And now since it is finally 'vacation time', I have the option to go to practice once a week. People really like to encourage my boredom, don't they?
I have no idea how much time has passed since then, but at one point I ranted on a lot of anime here. And I made this one prediction on an anime called Rinne no Lagrange. Well, turns out I got it wrong. I think Rinne no Lagrange is...yuri. As far as I've understood. Didn't think I could miss with that much, but hey, they've hidden the girls love quite well there(which technically makes it shoujo ai, not yuri). Oh well, as long as they start explaining the secret plot they have there, I'm in.
A lot of stuff has happened lately and again I find myself thinking all sort weird things. But they die out with every passing day so I amuse myself with weird silly fantasies which are pleasant to think about, although not very practical nor rational. But looking back on the stuff I have written in my life time, there never has been an ounce of rationality in me. Merlin, I wonder whether the unhappiness I have generated of myself might have been caused by these writings. I mean, it almost seems natural that they always cry and cry and cry...
Questions have been on my mind, questions I want to know the answers to, yet I find myself feeling reluctant about asking them. They serve no point, except to hurt myself a little bit more perhaps and I'm not sure whether I am willing to do that to myself considering that the last few days have been a lot of fun and have had several nice things happening. Besides, I probably will never get a chance to ask those questions anyways.
Another story idea has been lurking on my mind and there's still an unfinished one waiting as a draft but whether I find the motivation to continue them will be clear after I found one of my old ones.
Wish me luck,
H.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
42 things: Now and then.
This is a small cut out from a diary. It's almost two years old now and I have the odd need to put down 42 facts about me. Now that I actually have read Emily the Strange. Or perhaps I'd just like to see how much I can change in the span of two years.
1. I love anime,manga and fanfiction. I still do. Though the time I spend on it has decreased drastically.
2. I tend to crush on anime guys. Would love to say I still do, but there hasn't been one since Kai. Though the longest obsession(still in tact somehow) is Lulu.
3. I love to think up stories. Well, I wrote a very nice post about that once. Meaning I sort of stopped at one point, but it's slowly coming back. But one thing that has never disappeared are conversations.
4. I often get head aches. Never mind often, I get them a lot. Especially on Mondays.
5. I have short memory. But I have discovered at least two people with more horrible memory than I have. Phew.
6. I see myself as crazy. Nope, not anymore. Not at all. Nu uh. I'm juust fine.
7. I am a chewing addict. *glances at polished nails* Hasn't changed.
8. I rarely think that my classmates are not that bad. New class with awesome classmates. Enough said.
9. I have an awesome teacher. Ah yes, our homeroom teacher was one of the best teachers I have had. It's a shame she taught English(something I have never bothered to study. I mean, who studies languages?This is probably the reason I am rubbish at Russian.).
10.I can't live without music,anime,manga,fanfiction,sugar and a computer. Well, I think it still applies. Though the computer is meant mainly for anime,manga and fanfiction. And now, novels as well.
43. I like sleeping. Now don't get me wrong. Eleven was simply too pointless for me to list. 43 is better. And it still applies.
12. I get inspiration practically from everything. *smiles happily for once* At least that part hasn't changed.
13.I hate the stereotype orange hair, female, big breasts. They're always annoying. Examples: Orihim(Bleach), Shirley(Code Geass), Rei (High School of the Dead). I wonder why I simply didn't say Orihime stereotype, as I call it. And they really are annoying.
14. Lately, or after I started watching High Schoolf of the Dead, I started dreaming about zombies. Konoko(The little girl) wasn't at least dreaming of zombies with knives back then. Though those have stopped for a while too.
15. My dreams are weird, but it's fun to watch them. My answers vary from "*twitch* She has no idea what she's talking about" to "Pfft, remembering them at times puts a smile on my face"
16. I want to cosplay at least once in my life. I succeeded...almost. Well, at least now I have the Cosplay Club for a good cosplay.
17. I want to go to Japan(best case scenario, live there a happy life, worst, sing as a homeless person on the the corners of the street). ...Why sing? Why would you do that? Why?
18. I have at least 5 ideas I want to make a manga of. Let's see...golem, demons, magic, dragons and...clones. Yup, five ideas. They've increased and decreased in time though. Like all my stories I have thought up. I forget them...although I don't want to.
19. I have a few songs I want to make anime openings with. Heh, silly me...who knows though?
20. I want to pair up with someone to do a manga. I think, he/she draws. It's obvious by now that if I ever find myself such a person, they will draw. Though I haven't wished for a partner like that lately, I guess it would still be awesome.
21. I want to go to Venice once too. My 'is' looks like an 'a'.
22. I'm lazy. I want to do the straight man act once. Doesn't matter whether I am the straight man or not.
44. I never know how to decide big things.Sigh. I swore myself I would use 23, but... *turns red and stares down at the ground* I still don't know how to decide big things. I just wing 'em when they become intolerable. Also my answer to 23 is "Changed my mind. Don't need one."
24. I'm not nice. I have trouble paying attention to stuff. I walk away in the middle of the conversation at times.
25. I tend to be sarcastic. So sarcastic that people can't tell apart my normal voice from me being sarcastic.
26. I find the writing style I had a few years ago extremely weird. -So do I, honey, so do I. -*smiles brightly* Thank you! -Don't mention it.
27. 6 words that could destroy you...I have ketchup on my pants.I wonder what kind of reaction I am going to have. I laughed. The first time.
28. I usually don't care about gossip, but I'm curious so I want to know everything. Knowledge is power after all.
29. I'm good at Math. No, you're not.
30. I'm sometimes random. *smirks and chuckles*Pfft, no, you're not.
31. Nobody understands my logic. Unless I explain it to them. The red thread is one of my most shining examples. Or Carebear.
32. Some things make too much sense. I wonder what I meant by that.
33. When I'm trying to come up with the opposite of insensitive(takti-tundeline) I get sense of Justice. You go, little me! It's so bad it hurts. *reads the next one, shakes head and sighs*
47. I think that my future self will be a drunkard. *smiles knowingly* Oh little one... *starts petting her head*
35. I'm trying to explain this to my future self. Meaning 33. 34 was just a horrible explanation of horrible doom. *is reminded of the Doom song*
36. I like this nummering stuff. Of course you do. And you hate English. At least my English has improved since then.
37. My handwriting and Englishis are horrible. You see? Ah, I crave for some chocolate.
38. I like dogs and wolves. And cats and dragons and hedgehogs(I saw one today) and all other cute fuzzy animals. And the Adipose.They make me want to write of adorableness.
39. I like the rain. Mostly. Now I like rain in all sorts of forms and shapes. Ah, I'm getting tired.
40. I love new interesting people. Meeting them that is. Funny how I can have a fear for strangers and have an eagerness to meet them at the same time.
41. Fun makes me think I'm normal. Like I actually belong somewhere.
42. The therapist would not think so. I hope you are all familiar with my humor by now.
So here, 42 things. I want to kill myself for the English, but I am too much of an ego maniac to do that.
1. I love anime,manga and fanfiction. I still do. Though the time I spend on it has decreased drastically.
2. I tend to crush on anime guys. Would love to say I still do, but there hasn't been one since Kai. Though the longest obsession(still in tact somehow) is Lulu.
3. I love to think up stories. Well, I wrote a very nice post about that once. Meaning I sort of stopped at one point, but it's slowly coming back. But one thing that has never disappeared are conversations.
4. I often get head aches. Never mind often, I get them a lot. Especially on Mondays.
5. I have short memory. But I have discovered at least two people with more horrible memory than I have. Phew.
6. I see myself as crazy. Nope, not anymore. Not at all. Nu uh. I'm juust fine.
7. I am a chewing addict. *glances at polished nails* Hasn't changed.
8. I rarely think that my classmates are not that bad. New class with awesome classmates. Enough said.
9. I have an awesome teacher. Ah yes, our homeroom teacher was one of the best teachers I have had. It's a shame she taught English(something I have never bothered to study. I mean, who studies languages?This is probably the reason I am rubbish at Russian.).
10.I can't live without music,anime,manga,fanfiction,sugar and a computer. Well, I think it still applies. Though the computer is meant mainly for anime,manga and fanfiction. And now, novels as well.
43. I like sleeping. Now don't get me wrong. Eleven was simply too pointless for me to list. 43 is better. And it still applies.
12. I get inspiration practically from everything. *smiles happily for once* At least that part hasn't changed.
13.I hate the stereotype orange hair, female, big breasts. They're always annoying. Examples: Orihim(Bleach), Shirley(Code Geass), Rei (High School of the Dead). I wonder why I simply didn't say Orihime stereotype, as I call it. And they really are annoying.
14. Lately, or after I started watching High Schoolf of the Dead, I started dreaming about zombies. Konoko(The little girl) wasn't at least dreaming of zombies with knives back then. Though those have stopped for a while too.
15. My dreams are weird, but it's fun to watch them. My answers vary from "*twitch* She has no idea what she's talking about" to "Pfft, remembering them at times puts a smile on my face"
16. I want to cosplay at least once in my life. I succeeded...almost. Well, at least now I have the Cosplay Club for a good cosplay.
17. I want to go to Japan(best case scenario, live there a happy life, worst, sing as a homeless person on the the corners of the street). ...Why sing? Why would you do that? Why?
18. I have at least 5 ideas I want to make a manga of. Let's see...golem, demons, magic, dragons and...clones. Yup, five ideas. They've increased and decreased in time though. Like all my stories I have thought up. I forget them...although I don't want to.
19. I have a few songs I want to make anime openings with. Heh, silly me...who knows though?
20. I want to pair up with someone to do a manga. I think, he/she draws. It's obvious by now that if I ever find myself such a person, they will draw. Though I haven't wished for a partner like that lately, I guess it would still be awesome.
21. I want to go to Venice once too. My 'is' looks like an 'a'.
22. I'm lazy. I want to do the straight man act once. Doesn't matter whether I am the straight man or not.
44. I never know how to decide big things.Sigh. I swore myself I would use 23, but... *turns red and stares down at the ground* I still don't know how to decide big things. I just wing 'em when they become intolerable. Also my answer to 23 is "Changed my mind. Don't need one."
24. I'm not nice. I have trouble paying attention to stuff. I walk away in the middle of the conversation at times.
25. I tend to be sarcastic. So sarcastic that people can't tell apart my normal voice from me being sarcastic.
26. I find the writing style I had a few years ago extremely weird. -So do I, honey, so do I. -*smiles brightly* Thank you! -Don't mention it.
27. 6 words that could destroy you...I have ketchup on my pants.I wonder what kind of reaction I am going to have. I laughed. The first time.
28. I usually don't care about gossip, but I'm curious so I want to know everything. Knowledge is power after all.
29. I'm good at Math. No, you're not.
30. I'm sometimes random. *smirks and chuckles*Pfft, no, you're not.
31. Nobody understands my logic. Unless I explain it to them. The red thread is one of my most shining examples. Or Carebear.
32. Some things make too much sense. I wonder what I meant by that.
33. When I'm trying to come up with the opposite of insensitive(takti-tundeline) I get sense of Justice. You go, little me! It's so bad it hurts. *reads the next one, shakes head and sighs*
47. I think that my future self will be a drunkard. *smiles knowingly* Oh little one... *starts petting her head*
35. I'm trying to explain this to my future self. Meaning 33. 34 was just a horrible explanation of horrible doom. *is reminded of the Doom song*
36. I like this nummering stuff. Of course you do. And you hate English. At least my English has improved since then.
37. My handwriting and English
38. I like dogs and wolves. And cats and dragons and hedgehogs(I saw one today) and all other cute fuzzy animals. And the Adipose.They make me want to write of adorableness.
39. I like the rain. Mostly. Now I like rain in all sorts of forms and shapes. Ah, I'm getting tired.
40. I love new interesting people. Meeting them that is. Funny how I can have a fear for strangers and have an eagerness to meet them at the same time.
41. Fun makes me think I'm normal. Like I actually belong somewhere.
42. The therapist would not think so. I hope you are all familiar with my humor by now.
So here, 42 things. I want to kill myself for the English, but I am too much of an ego maniac to do that.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Reasons why I should not ride a bike.
1) I don't know how to ride in a straight line.
2) Grass patches are mightier than the bike.
3) Driving into your friend is fun as well.
4) I just might save the world.
5) I'm having a field day, when there is something wrong with the bike.
6)I am too ADD to pay attention on where I'm going and when I'm going.
I was hoping on getting 13 reasons, but I guess I am not that Strange after all. Expect the 42 things about me post. Yes, I am that bored. And perhaps that crazy. Oh boy, I'm already looking forward to number 26.
So in whatever amount of time has passed, I have met a lot of people who I haven't seen for a long time. Again, my imagination has told me that I look happier around them and perhaps I do, because they manage to get things off my mind. Except when I am talking about those things. Then you can guess for yourself what I am like. Not a pretty picture. Not pretty at all.
Though I love the timing. As mentioned to some people before, I like to find irony in things and I find it quite often. And the timing of events can be amazing. Although the only downside is, that all the progress I have been making disappeared in the span of two hours. Oh well. I get to learn how to suppress emotions, expectations, et cetera.
It's amazing how a piece of blue gum can entertain me while waiting for a person to show up. The Cosplay Club has been more active and I didn't realize how much I had missed their company. Why are there so many people who I should definitely see more often, yet it doesn't seem to happen?
I have been thinking about writing stories and have even managed to put down a few words, but I didn't manage to finish it in one go. I doubt it will be any good if I do manage to get the motivation to finish it. Not to mention that idea is months old. But my writing has been lacking in all sorts lately. I've been lazy.
But I have done some reading. Not any of the obligatory literature, but fantasy books. I love reading about dragons. I should do that more often.
But I have done some reading. Not any of the obligatory literature, but fantasy books. I love reading about dragons. I should do that more often.
It's strange how weird it is to find out that a person hates you. The way how I will be affected by it depends on the reason. If I get no reason, then I'll simply feel shocked and hurt. If I do get a reason and it is reasonable(in my opinion) I am just left with this feeling of not caring. But that might be explained with my lack of any feelings towards the person. So since I do not have any stronger feelings and the reason is acceptable in my book, I'm left with this curiousness on how it is expressed. I'm curious. But when I am curious, I find out things I don't want to. If I hurt people, then I want to do it at least with the intention of hurting them. Not accidentally, finding out later just how much people have been suffering because of me.
Ah, how I can hate myself sometimes,
H.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Silence.
It's amazing, how knowing something can make me grin.
I want to mentally torment a carebear. Any ideas?
I had no tea tonight,
H.
I want to mentally torment a carebear. Any ideas?
I had no tea tonight,
H.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Lightning.Character introduction.
I currently would like to claim that I hate my dreams, but that is not quite the case. I am just upset at the tricks my mind is playing me and I am not sure what for. At least I gained some knowledge out of that dream.
I want to write a guide. Yes, I mentioned it in the previous post. I am just wondering if I should actually start add examples there or not. Heck, I even thought about posting it here at one point. But I think it shall go into the document I have named with an incredibly long title: "for rants, that tend to linger on my mind much more often than I'd like them to". Or something like that.
So now I'd like to do a character introduction for those awesome characters that have hidden themselves into several different dark corners of my mind.There are seven altogether: Chiaki, Lelouch, Suzaku, Daniel, Charles Senior, Charles Junior(usually I simply refer to them as the Charles') and Motivation-san. Three of them(Lelouch, Suzaku and Charles Senior) have been completely stolen from their respective anime(this is plural...I think). So let's start with the simplest character to explain and also the youngest: Motivation-san.
I have no idea why I address her as -san, considering she can never be older than me nor earn my respect. I had no idea she existed until this oh-so-Ran-like voice started yelling nonsensical encouragements. But well for some reason she stuck and tends to sometimes yell even more nonsensical encouragements. She hasn't been much of use, just like the name implies
.
Next we have Charles Junior. He is a Kishin(Google Soul Eater) in a five year old boy's body. His mind is sort of like that as well, he decides whether he finds a human pretty or not and according to that you either die a gruesome death or a more gruesome death. He can't stand ugly people, so he kills them. He loves beautiful people so he turns them into one of his paintings. I'm not going into details with that one. But he usually pretends to be this cute and sweet boy as long as other people have something he wants. He has no memories of what was before he turned into a Kishin, but it probably wasn't nice or else he wouldn't have gone mad. I have no idea, how old he is, but he has been around a while, so his child's mind has developed this slightly mature edge which I can experience the most when he is simply glaring at me before continuing with one of his paintings(a normal one, luckily. If he isn't busy with killing people, he paints beautiful paintings with the normal kind of oil paint.). He is also immensely attached to his teddy bear [Yes, its head has been torn off once. Yes, Charles was the one who did it. But he fixed(read: had it fixed)it later.]
Charles Senior is probably the oldest and he is a Chevalier(Google Blood+). I have this really weird attachment to him, which is deepened by the fact that the Charles I am referring to is the one from the manga adaption. He doesn't appear in the anime(another Carl or Charles appears, but he is nothing like my Charles. At least in my biased opinion). But anyways, he's a blood-sucking monster who despises humans and after he lost the favour of his creator Diva, he has been doing his own thing. Yes, he is quite attached to Diva. But it might have been me reading too much cross-overs, but then I started thinking it would be awesome if he'd be existing somewhere in my mind. I have a nice location imagined where he should have resided at first. I should sketch it down at some point. But yeah, he hates humans and amazingly so, he doesn't talk much.
Daniel is a vampire king(no, not the sparkly kind one. Nice try though). He is this flirty character, who constantly smirks and always is two steps ahead(a male Chiaki so to say). He is a mad hatter and very possessive as well. I am keeping this incredibly short, because you will basically find out his personality when you read about Chiaki. They're really not that different.
Suzaku(I'm leaving Chiaki for last) is the one who is doing the job Motivation-san is supposed to do. He urges me to be hard working at moments and he is kind and gentle and very adorable in his own way. But he can be kind of an idiot, very stubborn at some points and incredibly easy to bully. But he keeps Lelouch company.
Lelouch is basically copied from Code Geass(or well, his history and maniacal laugh. Ah...his laugh...). His personality might have suffered the damage of being left open to a fangirl. So he is my courteous black knight, in shiny armor with his awesome superpower and a good mind. And I could probably go on and on, on how awesome he is, but the main two things that one should know about this one in my head are a) he apparently can't stand me and b) he constantly complains about the lack of space. Anyways, this base type character(with the stereotypish looks an all, only under different names) has managed to sneak himself into almost every story I have thought of. And it has been only two years since I first found out about him. Ah yes, my Lulu dislikes being called Lulu(can't blame him though, I find that nickname ridiculous). Owari(the end).
Now last but not least, Chiaki. Full name is Kuroda Chiaki and she is my all-purpose type character. She is the character, who just conveniently enters the story(knowing two thirds of the actual plot) and then acts as this sort of constantly smirking mentor. She usually is on the good guy's side and is special one way or another. God's daughter, rather powerful shinigami, the super rich and traumatized kid who accidentally broke the machine which just so happened to bring a bunch of anime characters into her world, you name it. She can be everything. I would say, call her Mary Sue, but no one really falls in love with her. Because she has her Lulu stereotype. Not to mention she can be immortal as well. But yeah, she likes to help the characters whose side she is on, she usually recognizes the good guys(two thirds of the plot!) and well she is either incredibly useful, or of no use at all. She is sort of an actor. And she likes to mock-cry, fake mock-hurt to the point of being overdramatic (as seen in the post before the last one). Her personality always has this nuances that change depending on the situation(and the story). My all-purpose type character.
Funnily enough, although Chiaki has her stereotype character, I don't think I have ever couple her together with the actual real deal. Well neither have I tried inserting Daniel and Chiaki into one story( but Chiaki isn't exactly the type to go to Hogwarts as well...). Though I am sure Chaos would ensue if those two ever got into one story. I must shudder at that thought.
And now this final last idea. There are people, who understand you well, really well. They can tell if something is wrong and they usually try to comfort you then(whether it is successful or not, depends). You can write about your feelings and later when asking them, they can basically tell you what you want to tell the world. And then there are people who are two world's apart from you. No matter how much you try to talk with them and understand them, your biggest ability to tell that something is not right is simply based on incredibly misplaced behavior. You won't get to know them really and sometimes, when you try, you get hurt in the process. And then after a while, the most stupid thoughts pop into your head. Heh, best friends but nothing changed. Pffft. Fun fact is, that said person won't remember this as well.
I am not suicidal(I just started wanting to get hit by a lightning bolt for no real reason. That wanting was incredibly amazing though.),
H.
I want to write a guide. Yes, I mentioned it in the previous post. I am just wondering if I should actually start add examples there or not. Heck, I even thought about posting it here at one point. But I think it shall go into the document I have named with an incredibly long title: "for rants, that tend to linger on my mind much more often than I'd like them to". Or something like that.
So now I'd like to do a character introduction for those awesome characters that have hidden themselves into several different dark corners of my mind.There are seven altogether: Chiaki, Lelouch, Suzaku, Daniel, Charles Senior, Charles Junior(usually I simply refer to them as the Charles') and Motivation-san. Three of them(Lelouch, Suzaku and Charles Senior) have been completely stolen from their respective anime(this is plural...I think). So let's start with the simplest character to explain and also the youngest: Motivation-san.
I have no idea why I address her as -san, considering she can never be older than me nor earn my respect. I had no idea she existed until this oh-so-Ran-like voice started yelling nonsensical encouragements. But well for some reason she stuck and tends to sometimes yell even more nonsensical encouragements. She hasn't been much of use, just like the name implies
.
Next we have Charles Junior. He is a Kishin(Google Soul Eater) in a five year old boy's body. His mind is sort of like that as well, he decides whether he finds a human pretty or not and according to that you either die a gruesome death or a more gruesome death. He can't stand ugly people, so he kills them. He loves beautiful people so he turns them into one of his paintings. I'm not going into details with that one. But he usually pretends to be this cute and sweet boy as long as other people have something he wants. He has no memories of what was before he turned into a Kishin, but it probably wasn't nice or else he wouldn't have gone mad. I have no idea, how old he is, but he has been around a while, so his child's mind has developed this slightly mature edge which I can experience the most when he is simply glaring at me before continuing with one of his paintings(a normal one, luckily. If he isn't busy with killing people, he paints beautiful paintings with the normal kind of oil paint.). He is also immensely attached to his teddy bear [Yes, its head has been torn off once. Yes, Charles was the one who did it. But he fixed(read: had it fixed)it later.]
Charles Senior is probably the oldest and he is a Chevalier(Google Blood+). I have this really weird attachment to him, which is deepened by the fact that the Charles I am referring to is the one from the manga adaption. He doesn't appear in the anime(another Carl or Charles appears, but he is nothing like my Charles. At least in my biased opinion). But anyways, he's a blood-sucking monster who despises humans and after he lost the favour of his creator Diva, he has been doing his own thing. Yes, he is quite attached to Diva. But it might have been me reading too much cross-overs, but then I started thinking it would be awesome if he'd be existing somewhere in my mind. I have a nice location imagined where he should have resided at first. I should sketch it down at some point. But yeah, he hates humans and amazingly so, he doesn't talk much.
Daniel is a vampire king(no, not the sparkly kind one. Nice try though). He is this flirty character, who constantly smirks and always is two steps ahead(a male Chiaki so to say). He is a mad hatter and very possessive as well. I am keeping this incredibly short, because you will basically find out his personality when you read about Chiaki. They're really not that different.
Suzaku(I'm leaving Chiaki for last) is the one who is doing the job Motivation-san is supposed to do. He urges me to be hard working at moments and he is kind and gentle and very adorable in his own way. But he can be kind of an idiot, very stubborn at some points and incredibly easy to bully. But he keeps Lelouch company.
Lelouch is basically copied from Code Geass(or well, his history and maniacal laugh. Ah...his laugh...). His personality might have suffered the damage of being left open to a fangirl. So he is my courteous black knight, in shiny armor with his awesome superpower and a good mind. And I could probably go on and on, on how awesome he is, but the main two things that one should know about this one in my head are a) he apparently can't stand me and b) he constantly complains about the lack of space. Anyways, this base type character(with the stereotypish looks an all, only under different names) has managed to sneak himself into almost every story I have thought of. And it has been only two years since I first found out about him. Ah yes, my Lulu dislikes being called Lulu(can't blame him though, I find that nickname ridiculous). Owari(the end).
Now last but not least, Chiaki. Full name is Kuroda Chiaki and she is my all-purpose type character. She is the character, who just conveniently enters the story(knowing two thirds of the actual plot) and then acts as this sort of constantly smirking mentor. She usually is on the good guy's side and is special one way or another. God's daughter, rather powerful shinigami, the super rich and traumatized kid who accidentally broke the machine which just so happened to bring a bunch of anime characters into her world, you name it. She can be everything. I would say, call her Mary Sue, but no one really falls in love with her. Because she has her Lulu stereotype. Not to mention she can be immortal as well. But yeah, she likes to help the characters whose side she is on, she usually recognizes the good guys(two thirds of the plot!) and well she is either incredibly useful, or of no use at all. She is sort of an actor. And she likes to mock-cry, fake mock-hurt to the point of being overdramatic (as seen in the post before the last one). Her personality always has this nuances that change depending on the situation(and the story). My all-purpose type character.
Funnily enough, although Chiaki has her stereotype character, I don't think I have ever couple her together with the actual real deal. Well neither have I tried inserting Daniel and Chiaki into one story( but Chiaki isn't exactly the type to go to Hogwarts as well...). Though I am sure Chaos would ensue if those two ever got into one story. I must shudder at that thought.
And now this final last idea. There are people, who understand you well, really well. They can tell if something is wrong and they usually try to comfort you then(whether it is successful or not, depends). You can write about your feelings and later when asking them, they can basically tell you what you want to tell the world. And then there are people who are two world's apart from you. No matter how much you try to talk with them and understand them, your biggest ability to tell that something is not right is simply based on incredibly misplaced behavior. You won't get to know them really and sometimes, when you try, you get hurt in the process. And then after a while, the most stupid thoughts pop into your head. Heh, best friends but nothing changed. Pffft. Fun fact is, that said person won't remember this as well.
I am not suicidal(I just started wanting to get hit by a lightning bolt for no real reason. That wanting was incredibly amazing though.),
H.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I want.
I want to drive someone crazy.
I want to get hit by lightning.
I want to run outside in the rain.
I want to paint a picture.
I want to write "A guide on how to deal with idiots." for future reference.
I want to hurt someone.
I want to mess up my life.
I want to stop thinking.
I want to become an ice block.
I want to take my emotions and feelings and throw them into a trash bin.
I want to set that bin on fire.
I want to forget.
I want to stop my dreams.
I want to control my subconsciousness.
I want to become a panda, whose job is to be a panda.
I want to write down every single thought I will ever think and then laugh at it later.
I want to calm down.
At least now I know that I can't cry in a dream.
I want to get hit by lightning.
I want to run outside in the rain.
I want to paint a picture.
I want to write "A guide on how to deal with idiots." for future reference.
I want to hurt someone.
I want to mess up my life.
I want to stop thinking.
I want to become an ice block.
I want to take my emotions and feelings and throw them into a trash bin.
I want to set that bin on fire.
I want to forget.
I want to stop my dreams.
I want to control my subconsciousness.
I want to become a panda, whose job is to be a panda.
I want to write down every single thought I will ever think and then laugh at it later.
I want to calm down.
At least now I know that I can't cry in a dream.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Redirecting my anger.
"Stupid machine!" Chiaki said through her gritted teeth while she gave the contraption another kick.
"Stop it! You'll break it!" Suzaku looked flabbergasted. Chiaki paid no heed to his words, she kept kicking the machine. Suzaku was about to go to the white-haired girl and restrain her, but a pale white hand stopped him.
"Leave it be. In the current situation, it doesn't matter. You saw the thing before. It was going crazy." The owner of the hand said in a calm manner. Suzaku wanted to protest, but another voice interfered.
"Lulu is right. Perhaps it is even better, if Chiaki is the one wrecking it." The deep bass said and even Chiaki, who had been busy breaking the machinery into tiny little pieces, looked up. A small smirk adorned her face.
"No -chan today? That's quite unusual." She commented dryly. Daniel returned her smirk.
"Well, we do have quite the curious situation going on here, don't you think? Chiaki-chan?" He made sure to put an emphasis on every syllable of her name, including the suffix as well. Seeing that he had returned normal, the white-haired girl turned back to destroying the machine, which was followed immediately by Suzaku's protests.
"But this is rather strange. I knew she couldn't handle things well, but to get agitated now...I thought she had distanced herself? That's what the quiet beeping means, doesn't it?" Daniel started the conversation, smirk still in place.
"Yes, she distanced herself. But you know the girl.You've seen her these past few days. Constantly angering herself. Directing that anger at other people. Realizing her wrong-doings. Confusing herself over and over." Lelouch ran a hand through his hair, his frustration clearly showing. Chiaki stopped wrecking the metal, Suzaku stopped his protests, Charles, who had been quiet and painting all the time stopped painting while the other Charles raised his head and even Daniel stopped smirking for a second.
Seeing their astonished faces, Lelouch couldn't help but ask irritatedly, "What?"
"No, it just sounded like...never mind." Suzaku was the first one to speak, but to Lelouch's surprise, he didn't have the guts to finish his sentence. Meanwhile, Chiaki's eyes filled with tears and she flung herself at Daniel, where they both collapsed into one sobbing mess.
"It sounds as if Lulu cares! My god, the world is coming to an end!" Chiaki cried out, clinging more desperately to Daniel and letting out some more fake-tears and mock-sobs. Daniel did exactly the same and Lelouch stared at the pair with bewilderment on his face.
"Oh for the love of...it's that dumb machine! It's leaking out her emotions!" Lelouch accused the now smoking pile of scrap metal. The Daniel-Chiaki combo immediately stopped their act and both had the same look of disappointment on their face.
"And here I thought he actually started caring..." Chiaki didn't even bother whispering to Daniel.
"I know right? I-" Daniel's exclamation was cut off by a rumbling sounding throughout the room.
Charles closed the book he was reading and suppressed a sigh. "It's starting again." He remarked with a monotonous voice.
"Now this is reason for concern. Charles never speaks. Now we've only got to get the Charles Junior to stop painting and then the world is really ending." Chiaki mentioned as they started heading for one of the numerous doors surrounding them.
"I've actually wondered for some time now, but why do we have two Charles'?" Suzaku asked out loud. His question was followed but more rumbling, this time louder, as the room started to collapse. The group started to run, leaving Charles Junior to paint.
"Sorry Suzaku, this is neither the time, nor the place. Now let's see what's behind that door..." Chiaki started mumbling to herself, opening a door. She peeked inside it for a moment, shook her head and proceeded to the next one.
"Nope. That's just Lulu and I playing chess. Wouldn't want to interrupt that one. Nope, this is fanfiction, definitely not the place to be. Oh dear god-" Chiaki gasped after peeking inside another door. That must have been the fiftieth door or so and Chiaki collapsed in front of it, eyes wide and unseeing. Daniel slammed the door shut and quickly marked the door with a red X. Lelouch helped the girl up and the group moved on.
"What was that door?" Suzaku, being the newest to be there, asked. All of his seniors shuddered for a moment before Chiaki answered. Even the room around them seemed to start collapsing faster, as if knowing what words were about to come and trying to prevent them in its blind loathing.
"Her view on reality."
"Stop it! You'll break it!" Suzaku looked flabbergasted. Chiaki paid no heed to his words, she kept kicking the machine. Suzaku was about to go to the white-haired girl and restrain her, but a pale white hand stopped him.
"Leave it be. In the current situation, it doesn't matter. You saw the thing before. It was going crazy." The owner of the hand said in a calm manner. Suzaku wanted to protest, but another voice interfered.
"Lulu is right. Perhaps it is even better, if Chiaki is the one wrecking it." The deep bass said and even Chiaki, who had been busy breaking the machinery into tiny little pieces, looked up. A small smirk adorned her face.
"No -chan today? That's quite unusual." She commented dryly. Daniel returned her smirk.
"Well, we do have quite the curious situation going on here, don't you think? Chiaki-chan?" He made sure to put an emphasis on every syllable of her name, including the suffix as well. Seeing that he had returned normal, the white-haired girl turned back to destroying the machine, which was followed immediately by Suzaku's protests.
"But this is rather strange. I knew she couldn't handle things well, but to get agitated now...I thought she had distanced herself? That's what the quiet beeping means, doesn't it?" Daniel started the conversation, smirk still in place.
"Yes, she distanced herself. But you know the girl.You've seen her these past few days. Constantly angering herself. Directing that anger at other people. Realizing her wrong-doings. Confusing herself over and over." Lelouch ran a hand through his hair, his frustration clearly showing. Chiaki stopped wrecking the metal, Suzaku stopped his protests, Charles, who had been quiet and painting all the time stopped painting while the other Charles raised his head and even Daniel stopped smirking for a second.
Seeing their astonished faces, Lelouch couldn't help but ask irritatedly, "What?"
"No, it just sounded like...never mind." Suzaku was the first one to speak, but to Lelouch's surprise, he didn't have the guts to finish his sentence. Meanwhile, Chiaki's eyes filled with tears and she flung herself at Daniel, where they both collapsed into one sobbing mess.
"It sounds as if Lulu cares! My god, the world is coming to an end!" Chiaki cried out, clinging more desperately to Daniel and letting out some more fake-tears and mock-sobs. Daniel did exactly the same and Lelouch stared at the pair with bewilderment on his face.
"Oh for the love of...it's that dumb machine! It's leaking out her emotions!" Lelouch accused the now smoking pile of scrap metal. The Daniel-Chiaki combo immediately stopped their act and both had the same look of disappointment on their face.
"And here I thought he actually started caring..." Chiaki didn't even bother whispering to Daniel.
"I know right? I-" Daniel's exclamation was cut off by a rumbling sounding throughout the room.
Charles closed the book he was reading and suppressed a sigh. "It's starting again." He remarked with a monotonous voice.
"Now this is reason for concern. Charles never speaks. Now we've only got to get the Charles Junior to stop painting and then the world is really ending." Chiaki mentioned as they started heading for one of the numerous doors surrounding them.
"I've actually wondered for some time now, but why do we have two Charles'?" Suzaku asked out loud. His question was followed but more rumbling, this time louder, as the room started to collapse. The group started to run, leaving Charles Junior to paint.
"Sorry Suzaku, this is neither the time, nor the place. Now let's see what's behind that door..." Chiaki started mumbling to herself, opening a door. She peeked inside it for a moment, shook her head and proceeded to the next one.
"Nope. That's just Lulu and I playing chess. Wouldn't want to interrupt that one. Nope, this is fanfiction, definitely not the place to be. Oh dear god-" Chiaki gasped after peeking inside another door. That must have been the fiftieth door or so and Chiaki collapsed in front of it, eyes wide and unseeing. Daniel slammed the door shut and quickly marked the door with a red X. Lelouch helped the girl up and the group moved on.
"What was that door?" Suzaku, being the newest to be there, asked. All of his seniors shuddered for a moment before Chiaki answered. Even the room around them seemed to start collapsing faster, as if knowing what words were about to come and trying to prevent them in its blind loathing.
"Her view on reality."
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