Naive

This is a rant that I've been having in my head from time to time though I haven't posted it here yet partly because it is too personal and partly because it is so ridiculous that I'd like to shoot myself for having in the first place. Alas, I do not have a gun and I doubt they'd let me have one(even if I had a license.). So I shall be having this rant now, in order to avoid accumulating feelings that might just ruin everything.
There's this little girl in my head. She's very mad at someone currently and because she is part of me, I am mad at that person too. And it is so bloody ridiculous, because I have no reason to be angry. And even if I did, that anger should be directed at me. But I am angry at that person, because this little girl has her own dreams/hopes/expectations. When those are not met(doesn't matter how unreasonable they are), she will get angry. Or sad. If it was sadness only, I'd understand. But no. She decides, that at first she wants to be sad and be very close to tears and then later blame that person for it. And that makes me mad. Not only at that person, but also at myself for being so unreasonable. Especially since two days ago I could handle a situation like that without caring a bit, but now I am just being weak again. Chiaki advised me to put negative feelings into an act. Make it look like I'm happy. It didn't work. Next she told me I shouldn't get worked up over a little thing like this. Yesterday, it worked. When I tried it today, I just got even more pissed at that person, for making me feel that way. Although I knew it was my own fault.
I hate acting that way, especially because I know the cause is my own stupidity. I feel so weak, yet I do not find strength in myself to change that weakness. I know I'm being naive, yet I'm not lifting a single finger to do something against it. I have issues.
Being dependent is okay, but this is going too far. Especially since one of us is able to maintain a cool head and I am not the one who is. It annoys me, because not only does it make me feel weak, brings out the worst in me and just manages to ruin the sunshine, it also makes me think that the person does not care. And that creates even more sorrow and stupid ideas. I don't care, is what keeps popping up in my mind. If that person does not bother to care, then why should I? And I am completely aware of the fact that this is going on only in my head, that real life is not actually that way. I feel like Helena, trying to find faults in someone to create more drama. And believe me, this contradicts with a lot of other feelings.
I have no intention of letting that person know about my anger for several obvious reasons(I'm being an idiot. See if I care. Not to mention I'll probably be all sunshine and rainbows again tomorrow.). Leaving those aside, I just feel that if making that person aware of it, it'll just cause a forced reaction. It is manipulation and surprise surprise, I do not want to manipulate people I treasure. Especially because of feelings that this little girl caused. She is extremely naive, stubborn and easy to anger. Not to mention jealous. I think she hates me, one way or another.

Sighing out happiness,
H