Rambledom?

 Dealing with flights can be bothersome. And I still have to write a rant to the Germans because there isn't enough football in the program(why do I rant? Because I am the favourite child of the main enemy so to say and I have, in theory, a vocabulary to rant with). Oh well.
 Although like two thirds of you already know this, but I started this weird project. It involves covering one of the walls in my room with quotes written in calligraphy letters. I have no idea how it'll turn out or how long it'll take me to finish it. But I shall try my best. And I got to search for awesome quotes from Lulu. They are quite enlightening and support me when I am blaming everyone else for my problems or decide to do something.
 I have finally caught up on Fairy Tail. It's kind of sad, but now I have something to look forward to every week. And I have two months' worth of anime waiting for me. Not to mention the movie schedule that is currently being developed. It almost seems like a busy summer. And then I thought,"Hey, why not make an Erza costume as well?". Because I've been feeling very determined to do stuff currently.
 Feeling very determined might be caused by my lovely...mood from last week. It feels like I am trying to make up for it. Like trying to reach the peak as fast as possible. And I also managed to convince myself in changing...which hasn't been showing really but I think that it might help me a little in the future. Or I just might scare people off. But either way, I am busying myself with thoughts about trying and not being afraid(as in I finally show my Gryffindork side...I never thought this would happen), because I have a nice premonition. Wanna bet that my good mood will be gone by/on Friday?
 I recently discovered that love is not beautiful. The question popped into my mind one day and it was sort of astonishing, considering that I had always considered it a beautiful thing without thinking actually. As to why the question popped into my mind...I better not talk about that. Dark days, dark days...
 Another thing I thought about and discussed with my imagination was bringing fictional characters into reality. Our mutual agreement was that we would not want them here. Because I have already created myself the perfect image of Lulu and as my imagination so fittingly put it, if he'd exist in real life, then I'd find out he wasn't that perfect after all. which would be another great disappointment of many. And this disappointment would be only the tip of the iceberg. So I shall hope that technology will advance to the point where it is almost lifelike and live happily ever after. Yes, Lulu is and always will be my obsession and he was the one who raised my standards. Ravens are always appreciated.
  Another thing I'd like to mention is that my previous post does reflect part of my emotions, but the ending is complete rubbish. It has nothing to do with what I feel, but the story was already going so down that I could possibly not do anything else than add a sappy ending to it. Perhaps I tried to create myself some fake hope. And perhaps I succeeded. The title however is the name I gave to Chiaki's shinigami sword. It should mean Dream god, though I am probably missing a no there (in which it would be Yume no Kami or Dream's god.)
  Curiousity is a curious thing. I actually realised that if I could be given the option to kill someone and get away with it, I would do it because I would like to know what it feels like. How about you?
  I've also been itching to make some sort of incredibly fanfictionish post here, namely something for the Potter fandom, but I doubt I will ever get there. But it would be nice if I could write something again(I've kind of getting used to writing these nonsensical texts and facepalming when people fail to notice the importance behind it). Yes, it is that bad.

Coin tosses are fun, I had another crazy idea, I feel kind of abusive right now,
H.

Yumekami

He didn't know what happened.

At one moment, she was smiling at him and the next, that smile was frozen, she had grabbed his wrist and he had ended up in pitch black darkness.

He didn't like it one bit.

It made him uneasy, because he felt like he had ended up somewhere, where he didn't belong.

Somewhere, where he was not welcome.

A place that had been hidden from him until now.

A place where setting his foot in could be considered taboo.

A place he feared.

"Coward," her voice was quiet, but filled with disgust and resentment. He felt taken aback, because he hadn't said anything and yet she seemed to know what was going on in his mind.

"This is my inner world. You're an intruder. How could I not know what you are thinking?" Her voice answered coldly. He could feel drops of liquid falling on to his face and with surprise he discovered that he had closed his eyes.

When he opened them, he could only see grey.

He was in the middle of an ocean, sitting on the ruins of a pillar. She was right next to him, dressed in a formal way, wearing a top hat. Seeing that he finally opened his eyes, she did a mock bow to him, officially welcoming him to her world.

"It's not much but I hope you will enjoy your stay," she added sarcastically. And after that, she didn't say anything. They were sitting in silence whilst the rain became heavier, making him shiver in the cold. She barely seemed to notice it, only smiled slightly in satisfaction when his teeth began to chatter.

Only when he really seemed to get desperate did she finally open her mouth again.

"Enjoying it?" She asked while smiling sweetly. He ignored her question and asked the question that had been lingering on his mind instead.

"Why did you bring me here?" He questioned and she shrugged in response.

"No idea." She said in a carefree manner.

"Maybe I wanted to show you what you are dealing with. Maybe I couldn't keep my emotions in anymore. Maybe I wanted to see you suffer. The possibilities are endless." She smiled dreamily into the distance.

"But what I really might have been after is for an answer. Look." She pointed at the sea directly in front of them. When taking a closer look, he could distinct bright pathways beneath the surface of the sea.

"What are those?"

"Choices on what to do with my life. Now turn around." He did as told and saw that there were pathways as well. Except one of them was different than the others. It was covered in what seemed like glass shards, with a red thread adorning the beautiful, yet sad picture.

"This is...?"

"The path I took to get to this spot." She suddenly seemed amused. "The red thread of Fate is indeed a curious thing. It gives me Choice, yet I end up in the same point anyway, no matter what I do. But perhaps it has allowed me to take the quickest road down to the sadness I was meant to reach one day anyway."

He didn't say anything. He had a lot of questions to ask, but none of them seemed to form themselves as a completed one in his head.

"These pathways are truly curious." She started again. "Can you see those shards? They're pieces from my dreams, my expectations. Yet Fate lies them down on every path I take, so that I could crush them myself."

She laughed, though he had no idea what could have made her find this situation funny. Perhaps she was going mad.

The rain cleared for a second to let in a small ray of sunshine. But it was gone as quickly as it had come and he found himself yet again shivering in the rain. He wondered whether the weather was somehow influenced by her as well but did not voice the question. He could see her nod absentmindedly to him, but her thoughts were occupied with taking a look at the roads she hadn't walked on yet.

"You said you were looking for an answer?" He did his best to make his voice sound light and carefree, but he had a nagging feeling that he did not succeed. She glanced at him briefly and nodded.

"As you can see, there are three paths." She pointed at each of them. "I have to choose one, to get to that point over there." she pointed at a point on the horizon and when he squinted his eyes to see better, he could make out a bright light.

"What is that?" He asked and she shook her head. "My only hope that things will get better from now on."

"I've been sitting here for weeks, trying to make up my mind. I know that the longer I stay in this point, the worse will the decision making get, but I just don't seem to have the guts to do it. I'm not even sure what I want anymore. But I definitely don't want to take this road." She waved her hand towards the one on the right, which was slowly being covered in grass and underwater plants.

"But I'm not sure about the other two either. Nothing seems to be like a good option." The rain got heavier with every word.

"Just choose either one. I'm sure it'll work out no matter which road you pick." He heard himself say. She smiled weakly, amused by his ignorance.

"It's true that I'll end up at that point anyways. But I'm afraid of which road to take. I'm afraid that I'll end up choosing the one where I end up alone. I don't want to be alone." Her voice was trembling. Not even thinking, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down to the roads. The water was shallower than he had expected, barely reaching his knee. Before she could even protest, he started walking down the road on the left, carefully watching his step so that he wouldn't step on the glass figurines.'

"What are you doing?" She asked, protest in her voice.

"Helping you choose." He answered simply. For a moment, it seemed like she wanted to say something. But then she turned her head away and let herself be dragged away by him.

The rain stopped and for once in a long time, the sky cleared up and the sun shone down onto the sea, turning it into a sparkling mess of colours.

Questions that tend to pop up every once in a while.

Can animals sleep at will?
And if they don't, what do they think of when they fall asleep?
What do they think of when they are not currently satisfying one of their needs?
Do they think?
Or is it just this eerie silence?
That dude had Takuto's voice...but whose voice was it before it was Takuto's?
Who the hell is that person?
Why the hell even bother?

1/2 Prince always makes me smile. It is so absurd in its own way and unlike the manhua, the quality of the novel doesn't drop after the first three volumes. So I decided to be awesome and try out my skills in calligraphy. They're quite horrible but they look fancy from afar. So I call it an almost success.
  The trip to Kihnu was quite interesting, especially when we were outside with a small group, away from prying ears and shivering in the cold. We drew some sort of weird confession circle and although it didn't seem to work at first, it started working when violence became the topic. This was followed by a sort of awkward half an hour where my classmate, who had been attending my previous school as well, confessed that he felt really guilty for what he had done to me in primary school(I am seriously doubting that this is the right word for it, but since I can't come up with a better word, I'll leave it at that). Considering that he has always been just someone tagging along the group, not actually bullying me(although he claims otherwise), it was really easy for me to shrug it off. I've never been really concerned with the bullying my classmates did to me(there have been several occasions where I have been reduced to tears, but honestly, I usually have just viewed them as idiots and ignored them when it came to it), so him going on and on how he knows that feeling as well, because they have done the same to him and he took it to heart unlike me(because by that time, I had told him several times of how I could care less about it). But well, I can't blame him really. I've been at that point where people who I thought of as my friends have bullied me as well so I know what it probably must have felt like for him. But it was some sort of a new experience, because it turned out that all of us had been sort of bullied except this one lovely girl who was lucky enough to get into a nice class.
 But this bullying thing made me remember to a conclusion I came to in fifth grade. At one point in school, I just realized that I'm different from others. And no matter how much I try, I will probably never manage to fit in with the 'normal' people. So I kind of stopped trying. And look where I am right now. On the brink of insanity(it's like trying to regain balance above a cliff where falling to one side means falling into complete darkness and the other side is filled with snakes. Sometimes it can be quite bothersome.)
 I didn't mean to make this post so depressive, but it is hard to come up with a happy topic right now. I should never listen to myself. Don't worry, it's fine by now, you probably won't be able to get depressed all over again...Yeah. The world is Sunshine and butterflies. Not really. I must definitely sleep on it. Because sleep always helps.
 I'm longing to have a proper conversation  with a certain person right now, but that seems to be impossible at the moment. And I have a feeling a lot of people will misunderstand this.

There was an inconsistency in the story. The Guardian could feel it with his very being. But the Raven gave a warning caw so he waited.

There is no time flow in the realm of fantasies, so the Guardian had no way of knowing how much time had passed. He only knew that the darkness was growing and any sort of sound faded slowly, leaving him in complete silence.

"It's coming." He muttered to himself and the Raven, completely invisible in the darkness, stretched out its wings.

A deafening roar sounded all over the place, echoing throughout the whole realm. The Guardian, who had been sitting at the edge of a skyscraper, stood up and let himself fall. He could faintly hear the rustling of wings and felt the claws grabbing his shoulders, taking him up. Up into the sky. From there, he could see everything.

It was a gigantic mass of blackness, barely forming a humanoid shape. A small black butterfly fluttered by the Guardian's cheek, who snatched it and crushed it between his fingers. It turned to black ash, confirming his suspicions.

A detail. A small detail out of place.

The Raven's caw brought him back out of his thoughts and the Guardian readied his weapon, a long sword with inscriptions so old, that not even the Raven could read them. At least the Raven had told him that the first time they had met.

He gripped the sword tighter in his hand as the Raven dived towards the beast. The claws that had been firmly holding his shoulders were slowly loosening its grip and he was dropped directly into the middle of the mass of black butterflies.

Sensing an invader, all of the butterflies turned alarmingly red and started attacking him viciously. He had no problem with crushing one, but there were thousands of them, each and one of them trying to get close to his skin and contaminate his existence. With a swing of his sword, he killed hundreds of them, which were immediately replaced with another batch of hundreds and hundreds of butterflies.

"This is pointless." He thought and whistled. The Raven came crashing through the butterflies and with a quick movement, the Guardian climbed on its back and the Raven fought its way out of the mass with his help.

The Raven started circling around the monster, which had now taken on a reddish tint and was screaming more furiously than before. But it had not shrunken in size nor did it seem to have sustained any damage.

"You have to find its weak point before attacking. Find the problem. What is missing? What is unnecessary?" The Raven consoled in its human like voice.

"I know," the Guardian answered gritting his teeth, carefully observing the monster. But it had hidden its weakness well. The Guardian's expression turned more and more perplexed as he analyzed the situation. No matter how he looked at it, he could not find a way how to defeat the monster. But even before he had finished this thought, the monster had taken a swipe at him, throwing him off the Raven's back.

He fell.

The Raven had continued circling around the monster and with his own scream, he could hear another faint voice accompanying his. He did not understand.

Why wasn't the Raven helping him?

It had been so reliable before, so why was it now deserting him?

It was the one friend he had had in this cold world. No. Friend was too much of a strong word. It was his mentor. It had taught him how to fight. It had taught him how to survive. It had taught him about what his duty was. But it had never been a friend. It had been there when he had had a tough time, but he had never once seen it waver. It had never come to him for comfort. It had never opened up to him.

I was just a tool, the Guardian realized. A tool whose time is over.

He crushed on to the hard ground and could hear his bones breaking. Through some miracle, he had survived, but not for long, judging by the amount of blood he could see pouring. It seemed almost like he was in the monster again, surrounded by a vibrant red.

A shadow landed over him and he recognized the soft touch of the Raven's feathers.

"Where am I?" A child like voice asked in astonishment mixed with fear.

"The realm of fantasies." The Raven answered and the Guardian understood now. He recalled his own first meeting with the Raven.

His time had run up. He was no longer needed.

The child began to sing and he could feel his life fading. The monster let out a scream of anguish, but the voice of the child was magnified and soon there was nothing else for the Guardian but the ghostly melody of the child.

He wanted to warn the child, but he didn't have the strength to open his mouth. His thoughts were hazy and the melody caused him to feel sleepy.

I'll just close my eyes briefly...I can warn the child about the Raven later...I'll just rest for a little...bit.


The Guardian's eyes stayed closed forever and his face was decorated with a peaceful, albeit small, smile.

Check

Tick...

Tock...

Tick...

Tock...

"Check." Chiaki said quietly when placing the black chess piece back on the board. Lelouch was startled for a moment, he was used to the white-haired girl not saying anything. He surveyed the chess board and indeed, he found himself in a pinch. But he stayed calm, he had enough time to change the situation. But the longer he stared at the board, the more options got crossed out. Chiaki watched with interest how Lelouch contemplated on his next move.

"There's only one move left." She confirmed his suspicions. "The question is, whether you'll take it or not."

Lelouch gave an irritating sigh. "What a stupid girl she is." 

"Indeed." Chiaki agreed, watching the clock that was placed exactly above their heads. The rhythmical ticking continued to fill in the silence.

"Why would she do this? Why go through things like this? Why does she let me play white?" Lelouch questioned, making Chiaki smirk.

"You know as well as I do why she lets you do this. I'm rubbish at chess. She hopes you'll win in the end." The white-haired girl said and Lelouch snorted.

"If I had been her, I would have let myself play black. She would've won ages ago. And even in terms of personality, you fit white more than I do." Chiaki laughed. It was a quiet and sad laugh.

"Yes, but you hate to lose. She does as well. And she does not want to lose this game. Besides, even she knows that deep down somewhere, you care enough to try your best for her."

"But it's her fault she is like that anyways!" Lelouch shouted in aggravation. "Look at this room! She's been discarding her personality, scrapping it to start anew without really letting go, drowning out things that make her her. She's losing herself and for what? Nothing at all!"

Chiaki smiled sadly. "Time is ticking, Lelouch. Looking back won't help. You've got one move. One move that will get you out of being constantly checked. One move that will not lead you to a sure check mate."

"She's hazing things up. She has already given up on the move. She doesn't think it'll come, she thinks that whatever I do, I'll end up in check anyway. She's waiting for the checkmate. She robbed the solution from me." Lelouch did not want to look at Chiaki at the moment.   

"It's about time, Lelouch." The white-haired girl said gently. "So..."

What's your move going to be?

Slaughter the parents!

  I don't think I have ever been that tired to actually forget I had some chocolate left. Thanks to literature, I've got that feeling down as well. But at least it is over now and I can calmly worry about physics. I mean, it's only a hundred pages, right?
  I have probably created myself one of the worst habits possible. Or well, I consider it a habit. I just start hating people for no reason. Or well, it is more like I have been angry at people(occasionally, meaning at least once a week) and then I decide that I hate them. And this is repeated like some sort of weird mantra in my head. But even when I am not angry at them anymore, the mantra still continues. Or well, I am just walking down the street, minding my own business and another wave of repeatedly thinking, "Daikirai." appears. I don't think this is a good sign.
  On the note of more positive things, the score is 1:0 with Red in the lead. Or well, it should be. Because headaches are darling things that keep you up at night and overtiredness does not really let you appreciate happy stuff. Though thinking back on it, I am sort of happy. I was actually really confused about it until my pole vault competition solved all mysteries. I managed to jump over 3 meters....and I could care less about it. So prepare for weird questions and even weirder statements.
  I have time. And I am planning to use that time for drawing. And by the looks of it, it will be manga, which means that it will be quite horrible as well. I have no idea why I am even trying. Just ignore the mental images. Just ignore them.
 And by the end of the week, I will hopefully be free. And then my summer will begin and for some reason, I am hoping I can spend a part of it in solitude. Because again, I do try to think of my own happiness from time to time and solitude seems exactly like something, that could provide said happiness. I should be more rational, but if I was, there would be a lot of stuff different. Because my own happiness and wants do not seem to share any common interests.

Dragon versus God

  If a dragon and a god would fight, who would win? In any other situation, it would be the god, but in Fairy Tail, things simply won't work that way. No, in Fairy Tail, you can surpass any limit just for the sake of your friends, who are also your family. It has been done before and it will be done in the future as well, yet it still moves me.
  While I have been lazy and not marked down the latest scores, I still have kept track of them and the scores should be 2:1 and 1:0  with Red winning both. Though I have to mention that the 2:1 score ended up very unfortunately, namely blue scoring the last point, which did drag down my mood quite a bit. I have still no idea why my day still ended on a positive note, but I am not the one to question my moods.
  On the very same day I also saw one of my former school mates, whom I've been hearing a lot of rumors about, but the big belly still managed to surprise me a little bit. I haven't seen her for a year at least and yet she recognized me and smiled back when I smiled at her. I'm not sure whether she is happy or not, but at least she seemed happy to me.
  I've been dying to write another story just for the sake of using the name Scipio although I usually hate naming characters, which is seen in my latest post as well. If I wanted to, I could come up with a name, but the probability that it would be a Japanese name would be unimaginably high. I am also considering whether I should be convenient and just use my continuation of "The Thief Lord" where the name Scipio originates from(at least for me) or think up a new story. Lately, a lot of story ideas have been popping up in my head. Making Scipio some sort of addict(cotton candy, most likely) does not seem very appealing to me.
  It hasn't been only the story ideas that have been popping up. I want to try out drawing manga again. And I managed to think up a theme for my foggy picture(which I still haven't painted because getting myself white paint is just too much of a bother). I imagine a Grim Reaper being unimaginably close might be real creepy when painted correctly. Another thing to try out in summer.
  Today I had another immensely curious dream. It created a craving for Random hugs and I hope I will never see a dream like that again, because I simply can't imagine myself ever even getting along well with those two people. Okay, I can't imagine myself getting along with one of them. But I'm starting to wonder how my brain works. If I ignore the theory about how nothing seen in a dream is related to one's thoughts, then I could even make my deductions about how my brain fabricated the dream. Which is slightly concerning. As long as it won't happen again. If it does...
  Also, I think I have to admit that I am into slightly feminine and slightly perverted guys.