Of shady Shadows and sunny Sunshines.

With the sub-titles:

• Time, there is none
• Anger management
• Why don't I write down all those blog titles that pop into my head
• Keel's simple diary

So now that we are done with the formalities, let's start,hm?
Once again I am taking part of a RPG forum. Like most of those I have participated in, it is lead by people I know(meaning sb I know and myself as well). It is kind of lonely with only the three of us, but promises have been made. I should be baking brownies at the moment(according to my vision of today last week at least).
 I have once again hurled myself into mass confusion and emotional instability. I didn't realize what I had done after I had reread probably the most depressing letter I have ever written and I hate myself for betraying myself and hurting myself in such a stupid way(aka I should've read this letter before deciding stuff). At the moment I am not pissed nor sad(the score is 2:8 with Transparent in the lead though. Within the span of a week.). But the fact that I at one point simply wanted to beat everyone in the room bloody with a stick does hint at the fact that I might become less tolerant of people or am simply not in control of my emotions anymore. Yay for hysterical breakdowns in front of people.
 I've been having breakdowns a lot lately(surprise,surprise) but I might have to say that the worst was when the Dutch arrived. I am taking part of a exchange project where people from the Netherlands came here and will stay for a week and then during the Spring vacation, we shall visit them as well. Second Day and I couldn't help but break down in front of the girl I was hosting. And the reason is rather selfish as well. The girl I am housing at the moment is rather quiet. I knew it from the beginning but I for some reason started to hope a few days before when she started sending me e-mails that it won't be that bad. Oh well, there they went. My expectations crushed and thrown away into some can. She was very quiet. Although I have been working out more tolerance for silence. I simply can't help it when there is literally nothing she wants to do. If I suggest something, she'll accept it, but I haven't got the slightest idea whether she actually likes it or is simply bored. She doesn't socialize with the others at all and I can't help but feel that it puts pressure on me as well.
On Saturday(They arrived on Friday afternoon), I simply couldn't help it anymore and went to the kitchen to cry myself out. Hah, as if that was possible. Although my mother tried to comfort me, there wasn't enough time and my father barged in, wanting me to show her pictures I had never even seen before. Not done crying I went into the living room. I stayed there for about half a minute before going into a full blown "Yay ,let's cry me heart out" session during which I had to leave the apartment. At least I have now almost told my mum everything that has been bugging me. (Only some nice mentions about some really 'pleasant' Wednesdays are still left untold. Anyone who gets the reference say Aye!).
Now I have been able to cope more nicely with her and everything seems all flowers except that I get these arbitrary  urges to destroy everything. Note to self: Stop repressing your anger once the Dutch have left. It'll be much less scandalous if you have assaulted someone not foreign.
 Fresh rants off of my mind, I shall continue with older rants. I've been meaning to write at least three stories here but haven't managed to since lousy time management. Time has been a funny thing anyways lately with me barely managing to do anything at all with the time I've got(Except baking and making pictures. What the hell.). So I shall promise here and now that they will at one point here(Two of them surely. Not sure about the third/first one). Also, anime,anime,anime...
Obviously I have managed to write close to nothing at all, but that doesn't mean I couldn't have thought up a lot of titles. Curses for not writing them down!(Note to self: Acquire another small notebook which to stuff into your pocket so that you will always have a writing down option ready. Or get yourself a man jacket. Look up term for man jacket.)
 Also, at one point during the beginning of the school year, I got this funny little red book called Keel's diary(I probably mentioned it.). I am really amused at the suggestions and it even has a very 'talented' sktech of me in ten years. Pfft.

I am trying to become Beier and if the pun behind Carebear is still not obvious, then people simply don't get my irony,
H.
P.S: Ouch. OUUUUUCH!