"I really shouldn't..." she started sulkily, but she was cut off by Daniel.
"That's it. I'm putting you into quarantine." The brown headed Vampire said firmly. The mental cheer from the others was not subdued an inch.
"Why?" she whined. "Because you're being way too dramatic about this." Chiaki explained, hitting the girl with a book. She only kept sulking as the yellow and black striped plastic ribbons sprung to life and wrapped themselves around her, secluding her into one of the corners.
She kept on sulking, in silence for once.
***
On occasions like this, I can't help but think whether it is always because of me that people suffer.
It seems like the only logical reason. So what's the deal?
Should I either keep on going like I am now, only with slight more caution, never allowing to say myself anything which might later come and cause a tragedy?
Or should I tell all the people I know all the bullshit I've caused and watch them turn away from me?
I don't want to be alone, but I hurt people with my thoughtlessness and selfishness.
I simply want to bash my head against a wall and make it end. Another selfish deed it would be, but hey, it would be the last one, wouldn't it?
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
I want to live forever.
Today was a very educational day. I learnt that I am not myself when I haven't listened to music.
Moral of the story - listen to music before you get out of the house.
Still waiting for inspiration. At this stage of the day, I'm actually hoping to receive some.
Today's rain is a weird rain because if it was normal, then I'd have weird thoughts and they'd go away, but they didn't so I don't know what to think anymore.
With every passing day I am spotting more leaves which obviously hint that autumn is coming and while I am really glad that it is approaching, I am sort of trying to postpone it, because I still need to finish my summer.
Today's grey reminded me of the painting I still haven't finished or more like the painting I wanted to start, but never managed to.
I really should do stuff that makes me feel accomplished more often.
And read books.
And be otherwise a nice person.
Not grin like mad when I imagine bringing discomfort to people. Not plot revenge plans, which are way outdated anyways. Oh well.
I'm not sure which one of them is the real me.
We'll see.
I feel like dancing. Dancing till I drop.
H.
Moral of the story - listen to music before you get out of the house.
Still waiting for inspiration. At this stage of the day, I'm actually hoping to receive some.
Today's rain is a weird rain because if it was normal, then I'd have weird thoughts and they'd go away, but they didn't so I don't know what to think anymore.
With every passing day I am spotting more leaves which obviously hint that autumn is coming and while I am really glad that it is approaching, I am sort of trying to postpone it, because I still need to finish my summer.
Today's grey reminded me of the painting I still haven't finished or more like the painting I wanted to start, but never managed to.
I really should do stuff that makes me feel accomplished more often.
And read books.
And be otherwise a nice person.
Not grin like mad when I imagine bringing discomfort to people. Not plot revenge plans, which are way outdated anyways. Oh well.
I'm not sure which one of them is the real me.
We'll see.
I feel like dancing. Dancing till I drop.
H.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Bad day approaching
With the sub-titles:
Well, it's not necessarily Facebook itself, it is the people on Facebook who make life difficult for me, who'd rather not interact with those people at all.
Fun fact is, even if I delete the person from my friends list, he will still show up more or less, cause guess what? I know his friends. Which means indirectly, I'll be able to stalk him whether I want him or not.
Not only that, but same said person has been showing up on Skype again, meaning that he has stopped working which makes me more or less unhappy cause that means he'll log on on unpredictable times again.
But I am working on that. Because the soap-opera session in my life is now over, I have means to heal myself and slowly extinguish that little thing that keeps upsetting me every now and then. So I'll be happy.
Fun fact is, that I have this really irregular sleeping schedule at the moment...which probably isn't good for me in the long run, but at the moment, it'd quite all right with me. I'll sleep 9 hours at most, which means that I'll deal. It may be unconventional and it sure as hell ain't normal, but we deal, we deal.
Note to self - listen to Panic at the Disco more often, to remember lyrics properly.
And another topic worth ranting is crappy RPG playing - I swear to Cheeses, I am going to kill my Draco because I simply am tired of that shit.
I haven't drunken Earl Grey all summer,
H.
- Soap-opera as my life, that is
- Facebook, doth I hate plenty
- Sleep is not necessary
Well, it's not necessarily Facebook itself, it is the people on Facebook who make life difficult for me, who'd rather not interact with those people at all.
Fun fact is, even if I delete the person from my friends list, he will still show up more or less, cause guess what? I know his friends. Which means indirectly, I'll be able to stalk him whether I want him or not.
Not only that, but same said person has been showing up on Skype again, meaning that he has stopped working which makes me more or less unhappy cause that means he'll log on on unpredictable times again.
But I am working on that. Because the soap-opera session in my life is now over, I have means to heal myself and slowly extinguish that little thing that keeps upsetting me every now and then. So I'll be happy.
Fun fact is, that I have this really irregular sleeping schedule at the moment...which probably isn't good for me in the long run, but at the moment, it'd quite all right with me. I'll sleep 9 hours at most, which means that I'll deal. It may be unconventional and it sure as hell ain't normal, but we deal, we deal.
Note to self - listen to Panic at the Disco more often, to remember lyrics properly.
And another topic worth ranting is crappy RPG playing - I swear to Cheeses, I am going to kill my Draco because I simply am tired of that shit.
I haven't drunken Earl Grey all summer,
H.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Of resolves and resorting.
The office of the Headmaster was empty when the redhead entered.
The phoenix was sleeping, head under its wing. The previous Headmasters and Headmistresses as well.
The trinkets were for once, completely still.
But that was not why she had come here. Her eyes roamed around the cabinet, until she spotted the old, weary hat.
It only took her a few long strides to reach it. She took the hat gently and placed it on her head.
"You're back again," the hat said.
"Yes," she agreed quietly.
"I thought you might come." The Sorting Hat muttered, whilst looking at what this girl had gone through in the past 7 years.
He found plenty and also the question that had been going through her head.
"I'm afraid it's a little bit too late to resort you now." The hat started off, noticing the girl's shoulders slumping.
"However, I can still let them all know, if you so wish?" He asked and at the girl's eager nod, he activated the Old Magics - The bells of Hogwarts started to ring, the sound getting more powerful with every ring.
"SLYTHERIN!" The sorting hat bellowed, his voice magically magnified so the whole school, no, the whole ground could hear of the change she had gone through.
The scene faded into black, the Sorting Hat being the last thing to disappear, doing so with a wink.
"Are you done now?" Chiaki asked, leaning on apparent blackness, wearing the Slytherin uniform.
The redhead nodded, shaking her hair out of her face, snapping her fingers. The red and gold indicating the Gryffindor house changed into silver and green respectively.
"Was there any point in that mind exercise?" Lelouch inquired from somewhere else, having been forced into the Slytherin uniform as well. The redhead stuck her tongue out.
"It was an attempt to ease and soothe my mind, just like it was a representation of the change in my character." She explained. Lelouch rolled his eyes from behind his book. "As if you've actually changed." He muttered.
The redhead pretended not to hear it.
"So, what's the plan now?" Chiaki asked, looking at the robes they were still wearing. The redhead became thoughtful.
"I really do like this uniform, so I'd like to keep it on for a little longer." She said, earning an agreeing nod and grin from Chiaki. "So let's grab Daniel and Lulu and go create our own Hogwarts legend!" She decided on a whim.
"I'm not going anywhere! It's ridiculous enough that I have to wear these clothes!" Lelouch protested loudly, so that the redhead could hear her over Chiaki's cheering.
The redhead sniffled sadly once and directed him a sad, pitiful look. "But, Lelouch..." She started. Chiaki in the meanwhile dragged Daniel into the Hogwarts section, his attire changing immediately into the same green and silver the rest was wearing.
Lelouch returned her stare and a staring contest ensued. It lasted for about a minute, when Lelouch gave in, sighing. The three cheered loudly at this.
"Ah," the red head stopped. "It's not interesting if we're all in the same House." With that, she snapped her fingers once again. Her uniform returned to the Gryffindor red and gold once again, while Chiaki's turned blue and bronze and Daniel's yellow and black.
"Hufflepuff? You have got to be kidding me." Daniel groaned. The red head looked apolgetic. "Bear with me. You're loyal enough to be in Hufflepuff." She said, clapping loudly when she realized it rhymed.
Daniel sulked a little, but the red head promised him the lead role.Once this was settled, they were ready.
"Now let's go!" The red head shouted, dragging the poor Slytherin after her. "You'll regret this," Lelouch promised murderously between his gasps for air, as he couldn't keep up with her pace.
Daniel and Chiaki started walking after them, in a much slower pace, smiles on their faces.
The phoenix was sleeping, head under its wing. The previous Headmasters and Headmistresses as well.
The trinkets were for once, completely still.
But that was not why she had come here. Her eyes roamed around the cabinet, until she spotted the old, weary hat.
It only took her a few long strides to reach it. She took the hat gently and placed it on her head.
"You're back again," the hat said.
"Yes," she agreed quietly.
"I thought you might come." The Sorting Hat muttered, whilst looking at what this girl had gone through in the past 7 years.
He found plenty and also the question that had been going through her head.
"I'm afraid it's a little bit too late to resort you now." The hat started off, noticing the girl's shoulders slumping.
"However, I can still let them all know, if you so wish?" He asked and at the girl's eager nod, he activated the Old Magics - The bells of Hogwarts started to ring, the sound getting more powerful with every ring.
"SLYTHERIN!" The sorting hat bellowed, his voice magically magnified so the whole school, no, the whole ground could hear of the change she had gone through.
The scene faded into black, the Sorting Hat being the last thing to disappear, doing so with a wink.
"Are you done now?" Chiaki asked, leaning on apparent blackness, wearing the Slytherin uniform.
The redhead nodded, shaking her hair out of her face, snapping her fingers. The red and gold indicating the Gryffindor house changed into silver and green respectively.
"Was there any point in that mind exercise?" Lelouch inquired from somewhere else, having been forced into the Slytherin uniform as well. The redhead stuck her tongue out.
"It was an attempt to ease and soothe my mind, just like it was a representation of the change in my character." She explained. Lelouch rolled his eyes from behind his book. "As if you've actually changed." He muttered.
The redhead pretended not to hear it.
"So, what's the plan now?" Chiaki asked, looking at the robes they were still wearing. The redhead became thoughtful.
"I really do like this uniform, so I'd like to keep it on for a little longer." She said, earning an agreeing nod and grin from Chiaki. "So let's grab Daniel and Lulu and go create our own Hogwarts legend!" She decided on a whim.
"I'm not going anywhere! It's ridiculous enough that I have to wear these clothes!" Lelouch protested loudly, so that the redhead could hear her over Chiaki's cheering.
The redhead sniffled sadly once and directed him a sad, pitiful look. "But, Lelouch..." She started. Chiaki in the meanwhile dragged Daniel into the Hogwarts section, his attire changing immediately into the same green and silver the rest was wearing.
Lelouch returned her stare and a staring contest ensued. It lasted for about a minute, when Lelouch gave in, sighing. The three cheered loudly at this.
"Ah," the red head stopped. "It's not interesting if we're all in the same House." With that, she snapped her fingers once again. Her uniform returned to the Gryffindor red and gold once again, while Chiaki's turned blue and bronze and Daniel's yellow and black.
"Hufflepuff? You have got to be kidding me." Daniel groaned. The red head looked apolgetic. "Bear with me. You're loyal enough to be in Hufflepuff." She said, clapping loudly when she realized it rhymed.
Daniel sulked a little, but the red head promised him the lead role.Once this was settled, they were ready.
"Now let's go!" The red head shouted, dragging the poor Slytherin after her. "You'll regret this," Lelouch promised murderously between his gasps for air, as he couldn't keep up with her pace.
Daniel and Chiaki started walking after them, in a much slower pace, smiles on their faces.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Mirrors.
There are two girls facing each other.
Both of them are us.
One of us is broken, the other one is fine.
One of us is honest, the other one is not.
One of likes people, the other one hates them.
What to do with contradictions such as us?
We tend to let the fine one get the lead, but occasionally, the broken one pops up.
People don't like seeing the broken one too often, they get tired of us, like with a broken toy.
People like the fine one, the happy one, the laughing one.
We only know that we're more likeable this because there are no tears involved.
So we let the fine one out as often as possible, to assure people that we're okay.
But the broken one is always there, watching.
The fine one may be able to hide it, but as long as the broken one won't be fixed, all will not be well.
So tell us...
What do we need to do to fix us?
***
I really hate having two bad days in a row.
The only three things missing from today where The Muse, The Player and I see.
At least I got to mess with Carebear. Funny how people who have hurled you right into depression can serve as entertainment later on, when your aching your heart for some other person.
Both of them are us.
One of us is broken, the other one is fine.
One of us is honest, the other one is not.
One of likes people, the other one hates them.
What to do with contradictions such as us?
We tend to let the fine one get the lead, but occasionally, the broken one pops up.
People don't like seeing the broken one too often, they get tired of us, like with a broken toy.
People like the fine one, the happy one, the laughing one.
We only know that we're more likeable this because there are no tears involved.
So we let the fine one out as often as possible, to assure people that we're okay.
But the broken one is always there, watching.
The fine one may be able to hide it, but as long as the broken one won't be fixed, all will not be well.
So tell us...
What do we need to do to fix us?
***
I really hate having two bad days in a row.
The only three things missing from today where The Muse, The Player and I see.
At least I got to mess with Carebear. Funny how people who have hurled you right into depression can serve as entertainment later on, when your aching your heart for some other person.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Almost chemical reaction.
I wonder if there's some kind of element present in the universe, which reacts violently when other elements are being poured into it, but yet the other element comes out unharmed or not different at all.
Oh wait, that's a catalyst. Right. Chemical knowledge, you never fail me.
Never.
I am really unhappy about having so many catalysts. At least I think there are many.
There have been two to three songs that have been ghosting around my heart, the most recent being about Bleeding out for someone. Welcome to indie, people. No wonder I am fucked up.
***
And I am utterly tired of watching the backsides of people's heads, because while I am trying to heal, they keep moving on with life and I have nothing else left than to watch them with envy, sending scalding glares towards their backs.
***
Yesterday I once again realized that I was broken. Even before my Catalyst appeared.
Then again, also realized that doing stuff considered as mad brings a smile to my lips, because I love to see the disbelieving looks on their faces, the mad grin that raises to my lips and the happiness in me, caused by the whole absurdity of it all.
And that, I believe, is a good thing.
Smell ya later(as my rival would say),
H.
Oh wait, that's a catalyst. Right. Chemical knowledge, you never fail me.
Never.
I am really unhappy about having so many catalysts. At least I think there are many.
There have been two to three songs that have been ghosting around my heart, the most recent being about Bleeding out for someone. Welcome to indie, people. No wonder I am fucked up.
***
And I am utterly tired of watching the backsides of people's heads, because while I am trying to heal, they keep moving on with life and I have nothing else left than to watch them with envy, sending scalding glares towards their backs.
***
Yesterday I once again realized that I was broken. Even before my Catalyst appeared.
Then again, also realized that doing stuff considered as mad brings a smile to my lips, because I love to see the disbelieving looks on their faces, the mad grin that raises to my lips and the happiness in me, caused by the whole absurdity of it all.
And that, I believe, is a good thing.
Smell ya later(as my rival would say),
H.
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