No reaction.

So as I mentioned before in my posts, I was sure something bad was going to happen. Guess what? It did. FAD was a sort of catastrophe, because I hurt a person who is dear to me, but whose feelings I do not return. And in addition I had a head ache and a very frustrating picture, which did not make the day better, but at least my sanity was lost and I made my mind up to get hurt too and confess to K. After two days of sort of missing the chance(Side note to my future self: DAMN HEIGHTENED SENSE OF SMELL!) I finally did it today before my Physics prelim. I won't go into details(because I am attempting to eat ice cream and I don't want to live through that moment another time), but I am currently waiting for a response(read: There is this nasty gut wrenching feeling that won't leave me alone. It really makes me anxious). Also, Madly is not helping, because she is asking about details and then she is so nice as to say that he will actually respond in a positive way. Also another message for Windy: HOW THE HELL COULD YOU JUST...LEAVE? That was bloody suddenly and I wasn't prepared dammit! Okay, that is it. Another reason why I decided to confess was because I am sort of sick with myself and I am hoping to get over him once he rejects me(Because that is the only logical choice). But the whole confession thing actually did not give me any sort of emotions. I mean sure, before confessing I was bloody nervous and I had all sorts of troubles and thousand scenarios were flying around in my head, but the confession itself was extremely awkward. And currently, I don't regret that I confessed, but I don't feel relieved either. Also, I was sure before I didn't want to hear his response, now I am bloody anxious about it. Oh well, we'll see what sort of guts he has and what will happen. But Wednesday( the first day where I was supposed to confess), was sort of scary. Whatever courage I had had on Tuesday was gone on Wednesday and I felt physically sick thinking about it. And in the end I didn't do it. But Wednesday itself was very nice, because we were meeting up with a couple of classmates to discuss Literature for our prelim on the next day. It was really nice and I liked it a lot, mainly cause I found out that Gatsby actually had sort of interesting details and well it was fun to watch other classmates whine because we weren't sharing our thoughts with them. Thursday began wonderfully(sarcasm alarm). I had a dream. I confessed in that dream. I got rejected. That was bloody miserable, because I had a feeling it would be a sort of futuristic dream, because I had told Madly that she should tell K that I have something to tell him(it was because I had a sudden departure and to make sure I wouldn't back out, I called Madly to tell her what she should tell him). But Thursday was even worse than Wednesday. I saw him, but we didn't even get to talk. He just left before. I was quite mad, but I could breathe with a lot more ease after that. Oh well. I did my Literature prelim with Windy, it was quite successful and then I went to a pole-vaulting competition. I was sure it would be another catastrophe considering our coach was not present, but it turned out nicely, I jumped a decent 2.94 which meant that my 2.95 in January was not a fluke. After that I went home and started studying Physics(read: procrastinated studying by talking to people). And well today, i was nervous as hell again, did my awkward confession, got no response thanks to a darling Allan, did my Physics prelim, went home and now I am here(with a finished bowl of ice cream) wondering what I was thinking, if hitting my head against the wall will help me or what he is thinking(again, I am not sure if my phrasing was correct, so he might have not understood me...but Windy thought he did considering how weird he acted afterwards, which I am sort of taking as a rejection already). And whenever I have the chance, I wish I could sing my heart out. Because I have a feeling it'll help.

EDIT: Because I forgot to mention it before and my anime is not particularly slow but I want to listen to music, I will also mention the fact that I started sort of categorizing people according to anime. Two Randoms and Allan. And turns out that my first thought on my Random was the most accurate one considering that any thoughts I had afterwards and which I presented to Windy were argued against. Oh well. And my Earl Grey ran out yesterday, so now I am drinking a slightly more cheerful forest fruit tea. Not that it would make me particularly happy at the moment.

Random is a healthy lifestyle(NOT! Trust me Windy, I am losing it currently),
H.