I felt like ranting again? Besides I have nothing to do currently and I am listening to Nyan cat(the smooth jazz cover, which is really smooth). Today was an almost successful day! I only had problems with one door today. Because I haven't told you people about my inability to open doors yet. The doors hate me! I have no idea why but they just do. Anyways, beside that door incident, my day went quite well. I failed the minimal amount of times, I'm not embarrassed at the fact I failed.I went home completely famished only to hear some unpleasant news. A friend of my brother had attempted suicide. It's quite horrible but of course as always, my reaction was quite apathetic. That's probably one trait which I hate about myself: My lack of emotions in situations where emotion is actually needed. While in my head, I may not be able to stop thinking about it, my words,actions, expressions don't change and sometimes I feel like I am not caring about situations like that, purely based on my reactions. And then, there are the tiniest things that manage to break whatever shell I have built up and I have to try my best not to cry. And then I feel weak. I do not want to cry so easily, but I do want to be able to show emotions. Sometimes I just want to discard my emotions into a trash bin. And leave them there. I was really determined to make a longer post but I guess that won't work. Although I have my idiotic brain to rant on again(and yes, I am a horrible person for switching on such a topic like this, but I really don't want to talk about anything too serious.). My brain is very nice. Any hint of sarcasm shall be multiplied by a hundred and twelve yellows. Remember the we have nothing in common idea? Well my brain decided that since it had been insulting me, it was now going to make up for it. So I got another lovely dream. Which pretty much actually was only pure assumptions. And it bothers me. Because it confuses my already confused me. Because I cannot use the term brain for it is currently my enemy. But that is all for this topic. I shall never go into details and hope that my brain will forget about it. The whole ordeal I am living through actually. And it probably will. Until another dream several years in the future. Now moving on from semi-light topic to uber-light topics. Today, I had pole vault practice. Shocking I know. Anyways there were quite a few of us there which is quite unusual. But this isn't the point. WARNING! I'll be now talking about something extremely delicious, so make sure you are not currently craving for sweets or something like that. Actually, make sure you're belly is full. So full that you'll feel you're about to burst. Pretty much one of those guys told me about a cake made of pure chocolate. PURE CHOCOLATE. It is now my dream cake. And he said he would get it and eat it with ice cream. The envy I am feeling right now is indescribable. So I decided with Windy that we'll be making a cake like that some day. Makes me a bit happier. Also, for some reason,I was very amused at the way he tried to pick a fight with me. He picks fights with everyone and for some reason, he decided to end his sentences with a slow Whaddup? It was funny the way he pronounced it. And the fact that he noticed Windy's drawing on my hand and started asking me if it was a tattoo and if I was in the phase where I would draw stuff on my hand to get boys to like me. I told him that my friends were in the phase of drawing stuff on my hand but he didn't listen. But it really cheered me up for some reason. It's like that one day where I saw one of my classmates in town and he smiled and waved at me(this happened somewhere in autumn) and I sort of realized how awesome he was. I do these sort of discoveries randomly, through actions that are actually natural when you get along, but for some reason they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and then I sort of realize that I actually belong somewhere. Yeah, sentimental talk again. Moving on to the topic of nostalgia. Because in search of my two Japanese notebooks and the important sheets in those notebooks, I crammed through three bookshelves before taking a peek at my brother's shelf and finding them there. But in doing so, I found a bunch of old stuff, which made me remember good old times. This is why I usually never clean my room properly. Because I'll be stuck with all the stuff I find and happily ignore my chores of making my room look more...proper. But yeah, I found lots of stuff like my Physics notebook(which I could have used when we had the Physics olympiad at school.). There were also books of my childhood, like a book with German songs. I will make it my mission to learn those songs on the piano. Also, I found "Ingveripr22nik" (Sorry, but I am too lazy to change my laptop keyboard to Estonian), which is your typical love story and how it is okay to be different from others, especially if those others are narcissistic, spoiled and only care for themselves. But I like it, although the main characters are like what? Thirteen? So they shouldn't be having problems like that. But maybe that is only in the view of the lonely me who well thinks that when you're 13, it's way too early to have problems like that(based on experience as an observer from the side lines). Mainly cause stuff doesn't work out anyway. Also, those characters acted way too mature. But there was strong friendship and I liked the fox that popped up from time to time. And the main characters attempt to ask the boy she likes out by sticking letters cut from paper into a bush. But I really like that book.
Books are dangerous, play more video games.
H
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