Loose screws, rape and angst.

The third part was completely irrelevant(Since I'm talking about weird logics I came up with) and angst sounds nice after rape, I just added it there. The first sentence doesn't make any sense. The second one doesn't help. But the fuck that i gave went <========> that way. Hehe, it's a paradox. So, let's be awesome and talk about my rape idea, shall we? It seems pretty serious, but I was just thinking again what would happen if I got raped(random place, random time, random person). Yes, I've been thinking about it several times. And I've reached the same conclusion again.I would go nuts. Like completely nuts. Only this time I found a metaphor for my state. Or something like that. My head is like some sort of something(what exactly it is I have now idea), that is staying together thanks to these tiny little screws in it. But there's this liquid trying to get outside(let's call it insanity), and it is a very formidable force. But currently it has no issues. But if I were to get raped, those tiny screws would become a little loose, the insanity would use this and spill out. And I would go freaking nuts. Probably silently in the corner for the first few days. Then I wouldn't eat. And then I would become so overemotional that nobody could see me.And I would be a mess. Oh well. On to more cheerful topics. I am disappointed in my parents. Quite cheerful. I know. Well actually I am not. It's just that they're also so awesome to think that when I come home after the party four hours later(Bridge....don't ask), that I was out drinking(joking of course, cause I was raised too well by them). Honestly, I had at least hoped that they would offer that I was out with a boy(but since I obviously have more friends of both sexes, there's no way...). I even had a story ready. Oh well. Another story to be untold, which is probably gonna die lonely in one of the corners in my mind(which is funny cause my round is probably round, considering how I always end up at the same topics). BTW, I have overruled the bishies, without having to crush on L-tan again. I bet I had another trazillion ideas to write down. I probably made someone jealous. Though there was no reason to. It was an accident I swear.

H.

Herp derp and another ahahahahahaha...I'm nuts.

Up until this morning I was in this kinda sad, depressed state, which now thankfully has disappeared. Having a ton of weird dreams in a row is not nice. Realizing that I'm not the only one who hasn't ordered a ring from school is very nice. I can now stop blaming everything on growing up in Germany. But I'm still gonna miss it when times are tough. Cause yesterday I was missing it so badly, that I now need to make up for it. So I'm prolly gonna talk in that pretty language starting tomorrow. And I'm gonna make sure I have no accent! Cause I don't have one and I don't want one. I mean I'm already confused, because I'm wondering if people in Hamburg talked differently from other people. That would mean I would have a Hamburg accent would it not? But I have no way of finding out, since I lived my whole life in one town. And plat deutsch has never been a strength of mine. Currently, I am rereading my notebooks which I used for creative writing in seventh and eighth class? Probably. But I'm laughing at my own stupidity. I've never known how to speak English and I probably never will know. Quite the positive outlook I know.What else can I rant about? My obsession with bishies, but that's irrelevant, considering that there has never been a chance for me to live my life without bishies. But now they gang up on me and give me a heart attack while they're at it. On a completely other note(that expression probably doesn't exist but who cares, I ain't British), I started reading Liar Game, which is quite awesome considering how smart the people are there(except the main character). But well, 120 chapters are through, only 64 more to go. And since I've started reading there was only one chapter added. Going along with the manga/anime wave, for some reason I kinda wish I would go back to crushing on L-tan...it would probably make things so much easier considering that he doesn't exist in real life, I was so madly in love with him for half a year(which is a record), and he sets up real life standards that nobody can meet up(And therefore erase any problem I have with bishies.). On another funny note there's lots of K-tan's out there. I hope future me will know what I mean when she's reading this. SCREW THE RULES I HAVE MONEY!

H.