Loose screws, rape and angst.

The third part was completely irrelevant(Since I'm talking about weird logics I came up with) and angst sounds nice after rape, I just added it there. The first sentence doesn't make any sense. The second one doesn't help. But the fuck that i gave went <========> that way. Hehe, it's a paradox. So, let's be awesome and talk about my rape idea, shall we? It seems pretty serious, but I was just thinking again what would happen if I got raped(random place, random time, random person). Yes, I've been thinking about it several times. And I've reached the same conclusion again.I would go nuts. Like completely nuts. Only this time I found a metaphor for my state. Or something like that. My head is like some sort of something(what exactly it is I have now idea), that is staying together thanks to these tiny little screws in it. But there's this liquid trying to get outside(let's call it insanity), and it is a very formidable force. But currently it has no issues. But if I were to get raped, those tiny screws would become a little loose, the insanity would use this and spill out. And I would go freaking nuts. Probably silently in the corner for the first few days. Then I wouldn't eat. And then I would become so overemotional that nobody could see me.And I would be a mess. Oh well. On to more cheerful topics. I am disappointed in my parents. Quite cheerful. I know. Well actually I am not. It's just that they're also so awesome to think that when I come home after the party four hours later(Bridge....don't ask), that I was out drinking(joking of course, cause I was raised too well by them). Honestly, I had at least hoped that they would offer that I was out with a boy(but since I obviously have more friends of both sexes, there's no way...). I even had a story ready. Oh well. Another story to be untold, which is probably gonna die lonely in one of the corners in my mind(which is funny cause my round is probably round, considering how I always end up at the same topics). BTW, I have overruled the bishies, without having to crush on L-tan again. I bet I had another trazillion ideas to write down. I probably made someone jealous. Though there was no reason to. It was an accident I swear.

H.

Herp derp and another ahahahahahaha...I'm nuts.

Up until this morning I was in this kinda sad, depressed state, which now thankfully has disappeared. Having a ton of weird dreams in a row is not nice. Realizing that I'm not the only one who hasn't ordered a ring from school is very nice. I can now stop blaming everything on growing up in Germany. But I'm still gonna miss it when times are tough. Cause yesterday I was missing it so badly, that I now need to make up for it. So I'm prolly gonna talk in that pretty language starting tomorrow. And I'm gonna make sure I have no accent! Cause I don't have one and I don't want one. I mean I'm already confused, because I'm wondering if people in Hamburg talked differently from other people. That would mean I would have a Hamburg accent would it not? But I have no way of finding out, since I lived my whole life in one town. And plat deutsch has never been a strength of mine. Currently, I am rereading my notebooks which I used for creative writing in seventh and eighth class? Probably. But I'm laughing at my own stupidity. I've never known how to speak English and I probably never will know. Quite the positive outlook I know.What else can I rant about? My obsession with bishies, but that's irrelevant, considering that there has never been a chance for me to live my life without bishies. But now they gang up on me and give me a heart attack while they're at it. On a completely other note(that expression probably doesn't exist but who cares, I ain't British), I started reading Liar Game, which is quite awesome considering how smart the people are there(except the main character). But well, 120 chapters are through, only 64 more to go. And since I've started reading there was only one chapter added. Going along with the manga/anime wave, for some reason I kinda wish I would go back to crushing on L-tan...it would probably make things so much easier considering that he doesn't exist in real life, I was so madly in love with him for half a year(which is a record), and he sets up real life standards that nobody can meet up(And therefore erase any problem I have with bishies.). On another funny note there's lots of K-tan's out there. I hope future me will know what I mean when she's reading this. SCREW THE RULES I HAVE MONEY!

H.

Tiredom

Tiredom- noun, is when you feel a sort of sleepiness taking over. Like boredom. Only with the word tired.

Yes, I thought up another random word...which actually has existing words, but Tiredom sounds so much better than exhaustion or sleepiness, no?
I'm gonna rant again, mainly cause I'm bored ^^. And I could use some entertainment. And I'm so crappy at writing that blogs are just the thing I need. And it's Friday, 8 PM and I am bored. What has the world come to? I'm too lazy to watch anime I'm supposed to watch and I'm overall just lazy, cause I can't find anything good to do on the computer. So I just listen to music and enjoy the food I have at home ^^. I haven't updated since August. Not a big difference but the gap before the last post...GEEZUS! Oh yeah...Haven't watched RWJ for a long time. Meh. Probably won't cause I'm too lazy to.Sooooooo...what have I been up to? Lots of awesomesauce shiz. I started attending a new school(but that's already old news, considering it's november). My class is so fricken epic I'm gonna cry. Not really but you get the point.Went to animatsuri. Saw a super awesome Allen who beat me in stepmania. Now I'm in the same school as her, meaning we sometimes do random shiz. I should talk to her more often >__>.I visited C-tan's(another friend of mine)home. Freaking started obsessing over Vocaloid. Freaking started practicing the beginning part of the disappearance of Hatsune Miku. Freaking started practicing a dance. Freaking started obsessing over a new anime character. And for some funny reason, it's a character in a cardgame anime. K-tan ^^. And I have been seeing him in my dreams. Like both times were on the night a new episode came out O.e And the second time I realized it was a dream and as I said to C-tan K-tan would be unlucky on the day I realize I'm dreaming while he's in my dream. Sadly, the realization that it was a dream was so shocking that I woke up. I mean seriously, what does fate have against me? I could have been happy. And I realized I'm such a bad person, cause anime standards are so high. I'm actually like, oh I don't care as long as he is pretty. Cause I naturally assume that bishies have normal personalities >__>. I kinda feel awful. But I kinda don't. I also started drawing chibis ^^ I like doing that, cause it's very easy, but I guess my chibis aren't pretty. We'll see....I'll keep practicing. Now I've got loads of shiz I whined about, so I should be inactive for probably another 3 months till I am on the verge of forever bored. Cause I realized that the 8 month long gap means that I have to be very bored to write this blog. But yeah, unless something OMG this is so *insert weird freaked out emotione here* happens, I probably won't write. I've started reading Dan Brown lately.

H.

Aahahahahahah....I'm crazy, right?

And here I am again...the reason? The little box where people can write random messages in msn is too small to contain all of my thoughts...so...ARE YOU READY TO RAMBLE? Cause that's what I'm gonna do now :D. Starting with my probably most favourite topic: The LS RP. It's a roleplay in which I started participating about 2 months ago. It's awesome, it's more logical than estonian rps I have tried to play and there isn't anyone who I don't know. So I am having slight conversation problems, but it's alright. Since I got a partner(Soul Eater has Meisters and Weapons. Together they form a team): N-tan. It's better that I don't mention him openly since he's probably gonna find it then...which I don't want to. Maybe I'll hurt his feelings. Look at that, I actually started to care...yeah, I do care. Anyways, moving on, he's a very nice partner, but I think that his sole goal is make me feel awkward(though he can be very sweet at times, and all the awkwardness I'm feeling is only me, not my character). He kind of manages to write stuff that makes me feel awkward...for no reason at all.But yeah, I think I can live with it. But it's still weird and I am glad that I don't know him in real life...otherwise I might just accidentally attack him. Or I would rant to him. A lot.
Second topic is...well...wait a second...I'm not forgetting it...I almost forgot it...Ah hell. Oh yeah. I want to rewatch Clannad. And Angel Beats!. Those two animes are really awesome and yesterday night I just had a sudden craving for it(Clannad). And then I had another craving for Angel Beats!. They're both so moving and so funny and making me cry and have awesome characters and stuff.And awesome music.
Next topic is a person I recently started talking to...for some really bizarre reason(I was curious). But that's a long story actually. The thing started with one person inviting my brother and(for another bizarre reason) me to a surprise birthday party, which is on the 27th. The person we are surprising is someone we don't know, so I wanted to refuse(mild aftermath of a surprise birthday party where I slightly knew the person).People started bribing me with cake and candy and lots of other stuff. Until someone pointedly pointed out that a person as crazy as me would be coming there. I was mildly curious. But since nobody would actually tell me what kind of person he was, I pretty much got a friend to give me his msn(which he asked from another person) and I talked to him yesterday evening. So I guess we're getting along. Except that he only watches as I take over the world (dammit, I need a master mind). And one common point is that we kind of hate one and the same person.
And I miss L-tan!!!!!I wish he wasn't an anime character because life would be so much easier...even if he wouldn't(and that's probably obvious) return my feelings...

Meh,
H.